i've decided that i'm going to apply for a prep school.
i've talkd to my friend about it and she was so understanding and level headed upon discussing it i love her so much.
the only thing that's worrying me is: which school to apply for, letters of recommendation, and the registration due date for upcoming sophomore applicants
i'm probably going to be hoarding, hence the fact that there's no way my sister is moving from where we are now an the place my dad wanted to send me a while ago was in new hampshire and i don't think my family would be willing to make such a move so i might go on my own. but my parents are very clingy so that might be controversial.
i'm worrying about the letters of recommendations because i don't work well under stres and there were some events that effected my overall performance at school. i'm also very "in the clouds" at school. and the person who writes the best letters of recommendations (my home room teacher) has only known me for a semester and i haven't broken out of my shell. at all. i'm legit a silent statue in her classroom. so i'm worrying if their letters won't be enough to make the cut. yes i'm beating myself over not doing my best. if mental beat infliction was physical i would've beaten myself unconscious and probably dead thricefold.
i'm also afraid of the interview. i studder like a motherfucker and i have slight lisp (just noticeable when i get nervous). i also start spewing unintelligible intelligible english when i get nervous. i'm also a soft being irl so assertiveness drains me. i can but after the interview, i'll be needing to power nap in the car.
i'm also not that keen on the reactions people would have at school. i already o to a private school where the grading scale's raised by like 5% (but still full of akaksjfjwkfig). i talked about this wih my friend and she said that if i was to transfer, people would either be like: 1) great for her she's smart enough to do it, 2) wow. okay. fuck her, 3) *approaches my friends on their points of view and teases other smart people in my class about why they weren't prepping like me*. main point: people are bitches
i'm actually not afraid about encountering bitches at the prep school. i'm a bitch myself and i really need someone to put me in my place.
so ya. i'm going to talk to my dad tmrw morning, figure out what i'm going to do, where i'm going to go, if i'll board or not, when i go, do my volunteer hours, then ask for letters of recommendation on monday.
got it
