idk about you guys but i've always felt weird and uncomfortable around men ???
like ever since i was little, if you even interacted with a dude, it meant that you liked him and had a crush on him.
if i told someone about a conversation i had with a dude they'd be like ooooooooo teo's got a little cruussshhh
i legit told my cousin that a dude that i disliked almost bought the house across the street from mine and how i relieved i was when he didn't and she flat out went "ooo do you have a crush on him ??"
like no dude i legit stated that i hated him like a few seconds ago why would i crush on someone i hate
and i talk a lot about a male friend that i have because he's a cool guy and i need him to accompany me and a female friend on a future potential trip to the netherlands because two tiny women can't possibly travel around without a huge male bodyguard sorry that isn't how the world works
and people who i'm talking about him to are giving me looks that clearly read "ooooo u like him"
😑
no i don't like him romantically
you dip
so ya i now feel really awkward and wormy around men
i'll stiffen up and stutter my speech because have i talked to a lot of men?
no
because apparently if you talk to men, he's now your love interest
so obviously because of that men have been repelling
and also
there's legit no guy to crush on at school
why?
one half's dumb as fuck and the other half are my friends and not my type
also a lot of the idiots are in the drug deal and vape their lungs to the heavens
i'm sorry but compared to some of the girls in the class, the boys don't have the visuals
and also a lot of guys are tall and i don't want to break my neck just to talk to them
most of my male friends are around 6 feet
so yeah of course most of my conversations with them will be directed towards their biceps
i just really like women
but idk if i'm bi or flat out gay
like
idk
am i bi or gay
i couldn't tell ya
i'm like a gay roller coaster
really gay at some times (the ups)
and low key straight (downs)
like honestly i'm that kind of person that'll top and like shove you onto the bed but i'll turn really soft and just cuddle you instead of fucking you
i'll probably did a virgin im that sexually inactive
if i'm dating a girl and she wants to fuck i'd be like....
*cue aegyo * can we not......
i'm a really soft person i don't like to get intimate
if i was to ever date someone, our dates'll legit be us in a book store reading while cuddling on a beanbag
or me back hugging someone as they read a book i'm secretly reading with them too
and i'd actually be willing to try out cooking with them
like okay if you want to make the food i can help you make the food just treat me as a highly and alarmingly inexperienced kid in a kitchen for the first time
like at this point, i'm more comfortable with women than i am with men
i have this friend who i really like
she's really soft (like one of those soft ulzzang girls)
and really cuddly and is an artist like me
she's bi but i'm not going to ever ask her out because she's crushing on this one dude and i don't want to push her
she said that she liked guys but wouldn't mind dating a girl
and i interpreted that as the straighter end of bisexuality
she asked out the dude she was crushing on but he said no and said maybe later
and i heard from another girl that he likes my other friend
it's just so weird
i happened to have attracted a junior but she heard from someone that i'm straight and i'm here like ??? straight ??? but i didn't tell her because haha i'm still closeted
it's so weird
i go to a catholic school that has a multitude of teachers who openly oppose gay marriage (and possibly lgbt as well) and ill be having them in the future and i don't want to risk my grade being randomly docked because i'm gay (i'm being paranoid idk if this'll really happen)
and there are lots of "oH thAtS sO gAy" jokes around and honestly those hurt
there people in my home room that legit avoid wearing flannel because "it makes them look like a dyke"
and that also hurts as well but they can go fuck themselves they're horrible people
my home room legit consists of drug dealers/users and low key homophobic bitches
i legit don't interact with them and just sit in the desk closest to the window and draw all day
i want to come out, but i'm a soft being who can't take a wave of backlash all at once
like people can bitch on my. music and studies and i'd be like "thanks for the constructive criticism" but the second someone bitches me i'm like " :') oh okay"
just to get one thing across, i'm very hard to offend
like bitch about me i'm like okay cool yeah i suck i know it
but for some reason if someone bitches about my sexuality i'll get really uncomfortable and wormy and idk why
i'm still unsure of where i am on the gay spectrum so maybe that's why i'm hesitant to come out
like how the fuck will i know if i'm 100% gay of not
i don't have that much experience with men
or with women
and i'm hella confused but okay
i've been sticking to bisexuality because i always get butterflies and nervous around men
i like men in theory
like i'd look at a dude and be like ooo i'd date him but if he asks me out i'd be like no thank you
i'm just so confused and wormy fsflihsaopjffjawfpogwlief
