Chpt 1: "I'm a strong believer it is my fault"

25 6 18
                                    

I included a song that really sets the mood of this chapter, so if you're like: 'I wanna song to support this chapter' here is an extended version of one and i'm just gonna hide behind a couch now *nervous laugh* 

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Anna's P.O.V

It's been 1 week and 6 days since we got out of that hell. Don't get me wrong everything was really fun up to the moment where we first lost each other. It's just, everything that happened after really... nullifies that fun.

It's 01:17 AM, dark and almost completely silent. There's no one to talk to and the only things I can do is, to take a walk, draw or sleep like everyone else. But I just can't sleep. You can't get a normal rest when something like that happens to your best friend and I can't take a walk to clear my head, because the moment I step foot outside this door, I'm send back.

God I hate being in a hospital.

For the past hour I've been staring at the wall in front of me, thinking about the night we got out of the festival. I could have done so many things to prevent Devin from being shot. If I had just noticed the gunmen averting their aim towards Devin, but no my attention had to be on myself and now I let my best friend suffer. Granted, I got shot as well while checking up on Jace, but that was in my foot not my vital organs. My foot is just gonna heal up and nothing will be out of order but Devin he...

I know what he would say if he could notice me doing this. I know exactly what he would say. You can't blame everything on yourself Chamy, you can't control everything and just because you're involved doesn't mean you're guilty.

I sigh. This all could've been avoided, I could have saved him. I miss him. I miss talking to him, I miss his corny jokes and I miss the completely ridiculous nickname he made up for me all those years ago, Chamy.

I was hiding from Jace and Devin. I was already late for school that day and my uncle and cousin got me good that morning. I wasn't patched up yet and all the cuts we're still fresh. It was the most traumatizing and scariest experience of abuse yet and I wasn't ready to talk about it. I knew Jace and Devin spotted me, so I needed to hide.

My place of choice was the janitor's closet. It was very large and I could easily blend in between all the stuff if anyone entered.

I remember being in the middle of patching up my cuts when I noticed the door opening. I shoved myself between the supplies and shelves and held my breath. Random stuff was poking into my limbs as I watched Devin look around the room for any signs of me. When he couldn't find me he started to leave again.

I shifted a little and audibly winced when something poked directly into the fresh bleeding cut on my wrist. The closing door stopped and opened again.

He walked back in.

"Anna?" He questioned and I started to break down. I was terrible at pretending everything was alright in front of Jace and Devin at the time.

I sniffed, feeling slight tears sting in the corners of my eyes. Devin looked in my direction, but he didn't seem to notice me yet.

"Anna come one, please. Jace and I are worried. We want to help you." He pleaded, shattering my composure completely. I walked into his sight, aggressively wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"There you are, I was hoping you were in here." He said soft and opened his arms. I walked into his embrace, while avoiding staining his clothes with my bleeding wrists.

"What happened now?" He asked me and I showed him my wounds. After that, he helped me patch up the remaining ones.

"You know you don't have to hide from us. If you don't want to talk, you can just tell us. We want to be there for you Chamy." He told me.

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