Mental health Issues

My week i guess?

Yesterday I was looking through my old diaries and I found an entry from 2013 when I said the first time I want to die. I didn't know I've felt this way for so long already... I was 13/14!!! That's crazy. When I read that line I started crying because I honestly thought it would've been a shorter period of time that I felt like I couldn't deal with my life anymore... according to my therapist the main reason for my depression is me getting diagnosed with epilepsy in the beginning of 2014 so I thought it would've been since then that I felt that way... like I'm different and weird and just a disappointment and a mistake because of an illness. Turned out I've felt like that already a year before that... time flies I guess...

Last week was really hard for me I had 2 anxiety attacks and after nearly a year of being clean I cut again... I'm not proud of that but hey I've been clean for 5 days now 🤷🏻‍♀️ can't wait to get my tattoo that says "it's worth the fight" because that will always remind me that I'm not alone. During those attacks I feel like there's no one who understands me but then when I'm "good" I keep saying to myself "God won't give me anything I can't handle" and that's true but in those bad moments of life I forget that and with the tattoo I will always get reminded that it's worth the fight to get away from the habit and that's it's worth the fight to get out of depression and anxiety... I guess I'm slowly getting there with two therapists. One I see every week and the other one like once or twice a month and it really helps.

YOU CAN GET THROUGH TOUGH TIMES! GOD WONT GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU CANT HANDLE! YOU ARE WORTH IT! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH AT THE MOMENT I AM PROUD OF YOU AND I LOVE YOU!! MESSAGE ME IF YOU WANNA/NEED TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING or just wanna be friends.
Thanks to everyone who actually reads my shit. I love you, Julia🐙🍫