And How She Takes My Breath Away

She Was In Love With Being In Love

"She was in love with being in love, and she radiated that feeling wherever she went."

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We laid there for hours listening to Joni Mitchell, Janis Joplin and Simon and Garfunkel. She didn't talk much, I sensed the sadness in her soul. How frightened she was to be going out in this big world alone. At one point, Stevie rolled onto her side and fell asleep. I rested until she woke up. She had posters covering every inch of her room, and huge tapestries drifting from wall to wall. Her player was turquoise, one of the expensive Crosley ones. It was clean and painted a soft beige. I spotted a map of the States on the back of her door. Stevie would hold me closer and hug me tighter every moment. I wondered how to fix this. How to help her.

"I know we're young, and it's crazy to say this; but I hope you're the one, Lindsey," She kept her eyes shut and spoke softly, "and I hope I don't lose you when I leave in two weeks. I don't want it to be over. And I will be going to school so far away, there's no way you'll be even close to San Jose..."

"Listen to me," Stevie turned and looked up, "I fell in love with you. I don't know how, I don't know why; I just did. I want you to know I'm not perfect. I make mistakes, I can be annoying. Sometimes I may make fun of you, I will say stupid things. But you will never, ever find someone who loves you more than I do. I just want you. Your flaws, mistakes, heartbreaks and failures. Your heart, kindness, perfection and love. I just want you. And when I look at you, I can't help but stare. Not just because of your beauty, but because everything I've ever wanted is right in front of me. Distance isn't an issue, because in the end, I will still have you. I will wait for you. And you will have me. Forever and always. I will go to San Jose as soon as I'm out of High School."

"Oh, Lindsey! That is the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me!" Her smile faded as she rose from the bed, "but I can't let you do this. You can't wait for me! I want you to live, Lindsey. You have talent. And that talent should not be wasted. You need to be in L.A., not San Jose. I'm sorry, but I just can't let you stay with me," she took my hand, "I love you too much to let you waste your time on me. I want to see you become the most famous rock musician of our generation. And I know you can do it. I will regret this but, goodbye Lindsey."

"But Stevie..." I stood up slowly.

You could hear the sorrow in her voice, "Lindsey. I want you to do this. And I know you can. If we are truly meant to be, we will meet again. But maybe it's not meant to be, as much as I think it is. I love you more than I've ever loved anything in my life, and I feel like I've known you my whole life. You know more about me after one night than people who have known me for years! Just please, please, please go out there and live. Don't wait for me. We will meet again if we are supposed to. I love you."

She stepped towards me as I spoke, "I love you too. But I just can't let you go..."

"Goodbye Lindsey," she turned away and started out the door. I followed her in mournful sadness. My mouth wouldn't move, my heart stopped. I walked down the hall without feeling, without meaning. My feet felt stuck, but I pushed through; pain in each step. I could hear her heartbeat, slow and sad. She wiped her eyes every few seconds; silent tears flowed down her pale cheeks.

Stevie pulled the door open and dragged me into a tight embrace. She whispered in my ear, "I love you. Go follow your dreams. We will meet again, I can feel it. Goodbye."

I couldn't say a word, but I wanted to so bad. I wanted to tell her not to leave, even though I knew it would be best if she did. I wanted to tell her how much she changed my life, even though I knew we'd spent less than 24 hours together. I wanted to tell her goodbye, even though we would meet again. Many, many times. And she would become the star of my world; and of many others' worlds too.