Watch me// Ryden • Brallon

13. Stop all the clocks

Ryan, Brendon and Spencer were at Spencers, they had meant to practice but Spencer had put on good music and they were dancing together. Dallon was busy, having being dragged shopping by his mum.

Spencer was red, Ryan was breathing too heavily, but Brendon was perfectly fine, singing along pitch-perfectly and hitting the highest note of Bohemian Rhapsody while doing a backflip off the sofa and landing on his feet. The other two just collapsed onto said sofa and watched Brendon mock bow and grin at them. Spencer threw a cushion at him.

"Rude" he commented as it hit him.

"I really would join in but its way to much effort" Ryan sank deeper into the sofa crease

Brendon threw the cushion at him and giggled as it hit his mark.

"Guys...." Spencer ruined the mood with a shaky word that made the smiles on their faces drop, they turned to the TV as it showed a car crash on an main road about a mile away from them. "Isn't that the road Dall was coming back on?"

Thankfully, there have only been three deaths in this traumatising accident.

"Thankfully?"
"Shut up"

However we must all mourn the loss of Mrs. Leann Weekes and her two teenage children, Elle and Dallon.

The three boys turned to look at each other, and the happy tune of 'Don't stop me now' seemed to mock their silence. Brendon was white, and as his legs gave way he sat on the carpeted floor
"Dead, he cant be goddamn dead."

Spencer stayed silent, lost in the horror of it, how unexpected it was, how this laughing, crying, living boy was no longer alive.
"It's-I-it can't be real"

Ryan was the only one seemingly unaffected.
"Well he is dead, do you think we need a new guitarist?"

Spencer and Brendon stared at him, at his cool facade, at the calm, collected boy that seemed foreign to their eyes.

The TV screen brightened with the images of the dead. Elle and Leanne were shown in morbidly official photos, their eyes already dead, like this crash was more of a release than a tragedy.

But Dallon was smiling, taking a selfie mid-laugh, and Ryan recognised the chipped paint in the background as his own bedroom wall. Somehow this was far worse, the laugher representing all that was lost, the smiles indicating life, and what is death but the absence of life.

Three closed caskets lay before them, their bodies mutilated in the crash and therefore better kept from view.

"You loved him, didn't you?"
Spencer was the one to bring it up, amongst the hugs and pitying looks from Dallons father. Ryan accepted it. He didn't want anyones pity but it was better than forcing this man, who'd just lost almost everything, to endure a teenage boys glistening eyes directed sympathetically at him.

Not that Ryan had cried. He had remained stoic and seemingly emotionless through it all, telling his dad calmly and matter-of-factly that half of the neighbor's were dead. Two kids and a destroyed father remained in the house that had always felt cramped, but was now one to a room.

"We were best friends" Ryan replied to Spencer candidly

"You know thats not what I meant"

"We weren't soulmates, we weren't allowed to love each other"

"But you did"

Ryan shrugged, looking over at Dallons siblings performing a weird Mormon ritual in black. They had asked him the same question earlier, and he'd replied with the ambiguous answer. It was true, of course it was, but it was unaccepted and unnatural, so better left unsaid.

Dallons father tried a different approach, appearing behind Ryan with a glass of wine in offered to the underage boy.
"He loved you, y'know"

"I know."

"I don't mean just as a best friend"

"I know" Ryan repeated, his tone neutral.

"Good" Dallons dad shuffled awkwardly
"I hope you're alright"

"Thank you" it may have been genuine, but Ryan was trying so hard to show no emotion that even his thanks came out stiff and rehearsed.

Then it was Dallons aunts turn to bring up the illegal romance, and Ryan really was sick of all of the looks he got. All of the pointed questions and remarks.

"He was lucky to have you"

"No he wasn't" Ryan could be honest about this, at least. "He deserved so much better"

"But he loved you, and you stood by him, and I'd call that lucky"

Ryan stopped and looked at this woman, with her dyed blonde hair and fake nails and fake tone of sympathy. He walked away.

Spencer and Brendon were in the front row, but they said no words of comfort, yet Ryan got up, downing his illegal liquid courage.

"So, I was Dallons best friend. He deserved the world, and I miss him more than I can explain" Ryans robotic tone did not match his words, but they were well meaning.
"Frequently asked questions answered:
I know he loved me
No, nothing ever happened between us.
But, yes I loved him back"

And with that he stepped out of the attention and sat back down as gasps echoed disapproving around him.

It was midnight when Brendon knocked at Ryans door, the other boy answered it in boxers and Dallons shirt.

"What are you doing here?"
"We need to talk"
"Let me put on some pants"

Ryan closed he door, got adequately dressed, and joined the other boy in the beautiful night.

"Are you ok?" Ryan had to start the conversation, and this seemed the simplest way.

"Obviously not."
"You still loved him"
"So did you."
"Not by choice"
"Me neither"
They were both quiet for a moment, a far too long moment.

"I need to show you something" Brendon stopped suddenly on an abandoned bridge, the moon turning this moment into liquid silver.

"Okay" Time seemed altered here, in the dead of night, as graffiti from 2016 stood out metallically from the stone walls and the water rippled against the starlight.

Brendon moved his bracelets, holding his breath and looking at Ryan as he read his own name.
"Oh"
"Oh."
"This is why you broke up?"
"This is why he dumped me"
"Understandably"
"Debatable"
"How so?"
"Its not exactly my fault, I thought you'd understand, of all people"
"Im trying"
"Im aware"

"So. Ryan. Me?"
"I think so"
"I can't love you"
"Never?"
"Maybe someday. But not now. Not with you"
"Perhaps you could pretend though"
"Perhaps"
"For me?"
"For Dallon."
"Boyfriend?"
"Boyfriend."
"Maybe Boyfriend will be our always"
"Maybe always is a false concept"
"I think thats the point"
"I never read the book"
"Maybe you should of"

It was easier to make references and jokes, even when they were falling apart they could smile. They could pretend to be in love, and maybe Brendon was in love, but Ryans heart was already six feet under.

They stayed until the morning light found them. Brendons jacket around Ryans shoulders and Brendon himself asleep, leaning against his 'soulmate'.

An// lmao I've known this was going to happen from the start. All those happy moments I wrote with the knowledge that this would be the outcome. Sorry not sorry.
(++ there will be 2 more chapters. Then a new fic!!!!)