Watch me// Ryden • Brallon

15. Epilogue

They had systems now; three taps meant 'can I kiss you', those taps returned meant 'no'.

Brendon was usually the one to initiate romance, and Ryan usually rejected his advancements, but sometimes it was necessary, and sometimes he needed it, needed the warmth of the other boy claiming him.

They shared an apartment, were seen as a power couple, been together since high school, married for almost 20years and deeply in love.

Today was the 20th anniversary of Dallons death, and the pain had faded, and each it year felt like forgetting him. It wasn't just him who died that day, though. That day Ryan had lost the only people he could call family, he had lost the only woman who could qualify as a mother.

George Ross had died two years prior, and Ryan had cried, but mainly from the guilt that surrounded his relief.

It had taken him years to cry for Dallon, tears felt lesser compared to the hole left behind.

Ryan woke up alone, and it felt wrong, without his husbands warmth, after so many years he was used to the other boys soft arms circling him as he slept.

"Brendon?"

Brendon appeared in the doorway with two cups of coffee

"I thought you'd need this"

Theres no real way to measure love, and they had never intended to have a real relationship, but they grew to know each other, and at one point they had wanted one another. Its easier to fall for someone you already have to fake love.

So by now they were almost real, and Ryan accepted the warm cup with a smile as the other boy slid in beside him.

"What do you want to do thismorning?"
Brendon ran his fingers through his unbrushed hair as he asked him the question, almost nervously.

"Go to a graveyard and try not to cry"

"Its been 20years, Ry, is this ever gonna be over?"

"No, not for me"

"You were 17......"

"Bren.....I can't have this conversation"

"You've changed so much, Ry, I doubt you'd even be friends with 17year old him"

It was true, and maybe Ryan had built up Dallon to be something he wasn't, he needed him to be this perfect person because he couldn't deal with the abandonment.

They barely talked as they walked towards the dirty grave.

Here lies Mrs Leann Weekes
1976-2016
And her children-
Dallon Weekes
1999-2016
And Elle Weekes
2001-2016

There was a couple of tree stumps next to it, and Ryan sat on one, barely registering the damp chill against his butt.

"Do you want me to stay?"

Ryan shook his head.

Brendon left, and spent his day at home, writing songs.

They still had a band, three forty year old men who weren't that popular but had a few hundred listens on Spotify and half that on Youtube.

He couldn't write happy songs, not today, Dallon on the forefront of his mind. He wished Ryan would get over him, it had been an awful loss, but if Ryan could stop his annual pledge to a gravestone then maybe they could both forget.

When the sun started to set he went back to the graveyard with hot chocolate.

"Hey"
Ryan took the mug but said nothing in return.

"You ok?"
Still nothing.

"Ry?"
Radio silence.

"Do you want to come home?"
Ryan stayed silent, but he got up and followed his husband into their warm house, his eyes red and his lips chapped and bloody.

The next day Lucy, Dallons sister, visited, and they had to act like a proper couple again, not that it was much different.

She brought her son with her, he was three and loved his 'Uncle Ryro'
Ryan put on a brave face for the little boy.

"Whats the dino called?"

The kid put a sticky finger in his mouth and contemplated this.

"You chose"

"How about Dallon?"

"Dally?"

"Yeah"
Ryan smiled.

"Okay"

The kid went back to playing and didn't notice the tears in the corners of his uncles eyes.

There were sitting in the Uries garden as the stars started to shine.

"So, hows Breezy?"
Brendon inquired politely about Lucys wife as Ryan stayed silent, his eyes trailing constellations.

"She's good" Lucy smiled. "Hows nearly twenty years of marriage? I hope im invited to the anniversary party"

"You are and it's wonderful"
Brendon grinned as he subtlety tapped his finger three times onto Ryans arm.

It felt wrong to pretend to love someone else when Dallons death was still present on his mind, but as Ryan met his husbands lips, it didn't feel like pretence.

Brendon was beautiful, always had been, his voice was heart-stopping, and though their earliest memories were tainted by jealousy and manipulation, their wedding had been amazing, and each year from then had only improved their relationship, and he'd never live up to Dallon, but perhaps this could be called love. Perhaps the way they kissed under the moon could be called love, perhaps Brendons eyes when he brought him coffee on bad days, when he held him as he had nightmares, when h murmured 'ryan' in his sleep, perhaps that could be considered love, perhaps they were lucky.

An// the end of everything. I hate to think of this ending but here we go. Not the best thing ive ever written but I hope its satisfactory. New Frerard story 'Strawberries and Cigarettes' up now!!!. (Also updates each tues)

Thanks everyone for reading, swipe once more for a 'chapter' of references, songs by Them and story playlists xx