Don't let go of that hand... (BoyxBoy) Junjou Romantica fanfiction +18

Chapter 9 "Hold me.."

Nowaki has seemed to be quite preoccupied and left to over think it, Hiroki begins to worry and have doubts about their relationship. Will Nowaki be able to reassure him, or are they headed for an end to their relationship?

"I love you" isn't something that can be said so easily..

Chapter 9 

"Sorry Hiro-san, I had to leave early, but I left your breakfast in the microwave in case you need to reheat it.' Was the note left on the nightstand beside the alarm clock.

Lately, it seemed as though Nowaki had been avoiding him, even when they both had a day off.

The younger man was going to be going through his residency and they'd have even less time until that was over with.

'If only I could say the words out loud to him, maybe he wouldn't disappear so often. Maybe I'm reading too much into it.'

There had been other times he'd felt insecure, but Nowaki still never said anything and always reassured him.

'But he's seemed a bit down, ever since I told him to knock it off when he wanted to go see my parents. If I'd been born a woman and I'm glad I wasn't, things might be different. But...Nowaki's gay, like I am, so it wouldn't have worked out.'

So much kept turning circles inside his head, because what if once Nowaki began his residency, he forgot all about him instead. Maybe he might even find someone else.

Just the thought of that caused an ache to form in his heart as though it were being twisted and pulled from where it should be.

Lifting his hand he held it over his heart, his other hand formed into a fist and pressed against his mouth.

He'd be seeing more of that annoying Tsumori! Or, the nurses. Yet it was that Tsumori whom worried him the most.

The bastard! He slammed his hands down on the table and then ran his fingers agitatedly through his hair as he closed his eyes. "Damn it!"

'Calm down...how long have we been together now? But...even so...not all relationships last forever, but Nowaki...he's the only one...it can't be anyone else.'

Laying his hands on the table where he sat, he rested his head, brows furrowed as he frowned.

Nowaki didn't have work that day and if the big idiot had been called in, he would have told him. He usually always did.

'Why isn't he here with me?'

Shaking his head he stood up and sat down to go through book after book. He was making a mess as books piled up around him as he searched for, or tried to read something, anything to get his mind off such bothersome thoughts.

He found himself however quite unable to concentrate, which was all the more irritating as one of the books in his hands began to shake as his arms shook in agitation.

'I need to stop worrying about this, I'm not some little kid! There's a logical explanation for why that idiot isn't here right now trying to talk me into doing something embarrassing.'

Just then he heard the turn of a door knob and quickly gazed down at the book he had been trying to read for the last ten minutes or so, but was still stuck on page one.