Haphephobia

Chapter 10

"So do you like him?" I heard Ava's voice pipe up from her spot beside me. We were walking down the long corridors to the Hero Room. I took in a large breath of air, contemplating the question.

"I think so. Well, yes, I do; I just..." I tried putting my thoughts into words. I cringed at how noticeable my difficulty to do so was.

"You're worried? I've been there, Ben, believe me. Everything is going to change, and not all of the changing will be good. Your whole world is going to be flipped upside down and shaken until everything comes out, and when it's put back right, nothing will remain. You've gotta start from scratch." She said, and I turned to look at her, offering a smile. 

"That was unexpectedly deep of you. Well, while we're on the topic of 'deep subjects,' I meant to ask you something. Back in the training room, Aaron mentioned something about you feeling strongly about what we talked over last night. Are you alright? I mean... I sort of figured it was a one-sided conversation. I didn't stop to really think that maybe something I said bothered you. Guess it's a bit of a guy thing, really," I replied, picturing myself closing my eyes and jumping over the edge of the dangerous cliff that was this conversation. 

"I... well, I guess I was a little bit irritated at you. I'm not anymore, I promise. It's just that... Well, you were really caught up in your problems. I get that, obviously, since... I'm kind of you. But I thought you weren't hearing me. It started off really well, but once we were on the topic of your parents, you shut down. I even had trouble reading you at that point. You were so distracted," Ava spoke, pursing her lips as she finished. A flame flickered in my mind.

"I don't like talking about them. It's like... I don't even know them, so I don't think I or anyone else would know how they feel about me leaving. I'm so scared that they'll--" I cut short upon us entering the Hero Room. Various people milled about the living room as we entered, striding across the carpet.

I'm so scared that they'll forget me. Just like when they left me: they forgot, over and over again. Hell, they weren't even there at my eighth grade promotion. I had to do it alone and hope everything I did was fine. The only photos that were taken of me weren't for my house, in a nice frame-- but for the yearbook. I was alone at the police station to tell the cops my story-- mom and dad "tried to come," of course. They just caught caught up in traffic.... I'm tired of being forgotten, Ava. And I know I will be. I feel, for some reason, the need to be seen by them. I finished, as Ava and I entered the long hallway. We made a sharp turn into her room instead of going down the hall to mine.

Benjamin, the only way your parents will ever 'see you' is if you do something big. I don't mean to be rude or presumptious, but from what I've seen, it's the truth. Your parents stopped paying attention to you because they were bored. But now that you've gone off on your first 'big adventure...' well, I'm sure they'll take notice.

It's a little sad how you've got to up and disappear for this to happen, but it's true. It must be. But if you're going to make them proud by doing something big, you can't be distracted by them. I know you see their faces every time you're disappointed in yourself or something else. But now that you've got this power, you can't let it happen. You've gotta let go. Ava finished her long spiel as we both sighed deeply, by now sitting on the chairs by her little table. 

Maybe so. I just can't let it go this quickly, I mean, it's a whole chapter of my life! I know you understand. I'm not gonna play the fool and pretend like you don't any longer. It's just so hard to release whole people from my life. I sighed, tracing my finger on the small pattern enscribed on the table.

You don't have to release them from your life, Ben, Ava began, you just have to keep them out of your mind. The emotion and the memories... a lot of them are junk. Nothing and nobody is keeping you from retaining the best memories of your life- but everything around you is proof that bad memories and negative emotions are trash that need to be thrown on the curb. Would you leave a rotten banana peel in the house, knowing it isn't worth anything? I wouldn't. And you're a reasonable guy, so neither would you. Look at me. Ava caught my eye, and it took a substantial amount of self control on my side to keep from looking away. I was entirely embarrassed, and there wasn't another word for it.