The Diary Of Leonna Woods

My Love Life

        In case one had neglected to realise this before hand, my love life is limited. I don't have attractive, shirtless vampires fighitn gover me, as the wold  comes to a end with werewolves fighitng for my love. I don't have a prince riding on a white horse, thousands of miles for my company, or for my pesence. Nor do i even have a person i would in future wish to call my own. 

               I never truly found themale specie attractive; but saying this neither did i ever find the female specimen. I have little attraction to the oppsoite sex due to the amount of attention, and i know how vain this is going to sound, i am needed to give myself. In my head, i can't fluently distinguish thoughts, nor put them on paper to a legible and conceivable. Even now as i write you probably have no idea what i am meaning, so let me ty to exsplain it to my abilities. 

        I have found male styles, and choosings to be resonably attactive. But enver have i thoughts sexualy or in any way other then breeding terms. Men and women marry to acheive the goal of a child. And if not a child, a loving home to which they can enjoy each other's company. But lets be honest, the realshonship wihtout a child is not something to brag about. It can't hold together, facing the truth of spending "until death due us part" is just a thought not worth exsperincing. A man and woman need at some point a distraction from each other to breathe, to be able to not blame each others' partners for their woes. My parents have a more then "happy" relashonship. And to spice it up, let me adda few more details. My mother has never liked alchohol, the idea nor the verb of drinking it. But my father laps it up as if it is the essence of life. Atop of that, lets add the constant fihgitng it disbutes between them as well as the degrading part and cliche pain it brings.I oftern must blame myself, due to the fact its true. But before i cry over my self pity, and wallow in my vanity, let me admit something that is rather hard. I enjoy them when they fight. Its enertaining to say the least, almost seat edging. I don't get upset, but i listen to them scream. To them cry, and can't help but wish them to fight, to just hear all they think. To be able to feel the rush of fear; the adrenaline of shock when he calls her a bitch. No, i don't enjoy when it s over and one stops participating in the fight and crys..that is when i stop listening. Because they make up, and smile the next day, as if all said and done is gone. Poof. But i remmebr every slurred words that they spoke, in teh heat of the momet. Every word that singed my already inflamed heart. Because i cae more then i could ever admit in person, i care, and love them so mych it hurts.  They fight, and so mcuh hate leaves them, so many broken promises fall from their lips. And though that is true i would never change them. Becase resentment is the devil's enslavment. And i know that i too will be the offspring of them, and will be the same way as a adult. Hopefully alone i will die, since alone i was born. Both man and women fight, they call each other bnames of hatred, while i cowar, secretly enjoying every peice of grit they do. WHy? Am i a terrible person for beiliving in such hatred is enertaining? We watch gore for enrtainment, we watch death as comedy. So why not the ending of a betutful marriage? That is why i will never find love. Will never marry nor have a child. I will save who ever is out their form me. From all the abuse of being with one person and in a commitment of unfairness, due to the promise that in a nation under a God could make a everlasting bond between the different sexs. I never could love anyone more than my father, as a man. And never love a woman more then my mother. SO why lie that they are hte most important person in teh world to me, when it is not true; it compies to no one but my family. The ones who are so nieve to my life and thoughts of fucked up smiles, taht are targeted at pain. No, i never will love. I never would be able to live with the power of controlling a person witht eh promise of "Loving them. Of saying they are perfect. 

        RElashonships are chapters in the book of your life, and with every turn, they come to a nearer and nearer end. Some migth end happily, but most will not. I caution those who think the love of their life is at 15 and some jerk off who works at taco bell and popped her cherry, syaing "I love you." the ignorance in my gender is beyond beleif and gullible. I am not so much, refusing to sink to that degreading level of "Datting" while my time and feelings could be spent towards work, dedication to perhaps curing a deasease. Pity no one else htinks the same at this age. And a shame my generation is the future; perfect photos and fashion styles that define a person. Oh, what a good people we will make. Their children, how could they not be ashamed when they hear of their parent's lives before them. Poor things, i wish we were something to look up too. NOt ignorant protagonists. At least we have passed the racism. Perhaps the barriers we face will dissapear...that would be a deram. And with that thought, i ask myself this; how are you any better?