The Diary Of Leonna Woods

Was It Easy?

  They often say that "You only get what you give."And sometimes I have to take a moemnt to reflect and think, "What the fuck did i give?" It's true, after battling taking my pills or not, i finally downed 6 when the inner demons started telling me what they always do. Except i began to elive them. "He left you, and it was easy. You know why? Because your worthless, unattraci=tive. And at the bottom of his list. Hwe only wanted you to fill his hole until somehting better came along. He lied to you because your weak and nieve. " I tried to fight them, and after crying several hours, screaming and sneaking out to my "special place" i couldn't anymore. The voices followed me. The truth followed me. And instead of shaking it off, and going back a dark path, i popped the script and now feel dazed. The thing about the pills is that the pain doesn't go away. Its still there, i can feel the fucking lump in my throat from tears. And all the betrayal and lies he fed me. The one who will remain nameless. That dog, the bastard who stole what little humanity i hd left. Who force fed me lies that i was his beuty, his one. Only to betray my trust. My secret. The vunerability will never be forgotten, and i remeer now why i proomised myself to never open up again. Unfortunalty i did not remian true. I am so weak, so stupid to belive in him. But now i am num. The shit rolled off my shoulders and now is heavy in my hnds. It weighs me down, but at the same time i don't feel a damn thing. No more tears, just..numb. Nothing. And for the son-of-a-bitch who i am reffering to, all i wnt to do is ask you something. Was it easy? Easy to walk away, easy to lie to my face filled with tears of joy that you cared? Was it fucking easy to betray me, tell another girl that she stole your heart, while i watched. Easy to fucking rip my heart out of my mouth, chew it ans spit it in dirt, as though i was nothing. Like i didn't exsist like i wasn't thre. As if i wouldn't find out? As though i would never had learned of your decieving bullshit, all the fibs whispered to me about how you felt. Just to stumble upon the fact i was a cover up for a whole she had already filled. You bastard.  I hope hell finds a pool of Misey, desolation, with sorrow and death for you to bleed upon. But, not only will i forever disown you as my friendas a human being, but i disown myself. Fo rbeing so ignorant to not see the snake in your tree. As much as i want to scream for hatting you, i want to cry and even harm more for looving you And hatting myself. Flling like a little girl into your trap. I truly am not a unique girl. I am the same as anyone out there. Falling and hitting the ground hard, when reality comes along. I said i never would love a male and i meant it. So, was it easy?