The Diary Of Leonna Woods

FriendShip

 I saw him with her today. Acually, that is a unfair assumption; it truly was her with him. They were across the room from me in the small library, i was jsut finnishing my research on the effects of DID, when i heard the familar giggle of him. I sat up from my warm leather chair, it was practicaly mine with how i treated it and always sat in it, and looked across a few rows of endless books and saw them walking up and down the ailes. Not slow, not fast, but in sync. 

        I don't usually describe people, nor do i usually pay attention long enough to be able to grasp their personality and fully see their skin deep beuty, But an exception was made the day i met him. About a year or two ago, new to all that i never knew, he walked into my class late. No, this isn't some cliche, love at first sight, bullshit. It was acually more like resentment, and future hurt at first kiss. I was a kiss virgin at 14, and exstremly shy for somone who usually could do well with people. I may hate the human race, but that does not stop me from having a knack with dealing with them. Well, he was yelled at and sat by me, the A pupil. I didn't smile, i nor fornwed. But ignored him. I learned quickly that this could not be the case, and the walls i built over the years formhurt, and pained rejection, crumbled at his voice. He was the charmer, but wore the most terrible, "hipster" fashions i think they are called by the youth. Skinny jeans that showed a bit to much, and a plaid shirt with some unpescription glasses. I really didn't understand the fashion choice, nor the long shaggy hair that went with it. All i knew was he was funny, and had more selfies then any girl i had known at that point in my life. He called me Onna, (Ana) and basically taught me to never let my gaurd down again. Because a year later he left me for some other girl after stealing my kiss. After telling me i was difeerent, he jumped ship to a prettier and more confident bimbo. A auburn haired narccasistic hypocrit. And that is not bias in the least, since you have not yet met this particualar teen. Either way, this is all i wall say on the matter. Moral? Never trust anyone who could do better then you. 

        It hurt, because as i continues to watch, he kissed her, and even whispered the same things he used to tell me. Except, he meant them this time. He didn't just snake his words into her ear, to stick his hand down her pants. But even after he did, we were friends. I still told him everything, and he would annoy me by teasing me with the taunts of the few poems i shared with him. It broke the day he purposley shouted my personal journal quotes to the whole class when my father had burned them. Both of the main males in my life fucked up big time in that 24 hours. All the personal pain, love, and my own snaity, was bled into those syings, that he paraded. It was a betrayal of our friendship, and i knew all the things he said were a lie. 

        But now wathcing him now, as i'm writting this, looking up to glace at his peirced lip and beanie, he looks so charming. Bambie; the same young boy i saw that first day. So adorable and suductive, but manipulative. I just had to exsplain the fact that i have almost a 24 inch wall protecting my heart and mind now, im so emotionanless it sometimes scares me. But it would be a lie not to admit some feeling sliips through the cracks, burning the little girl inside, so scared to be hurt again. So petrified of rejection that she lies to only ruin relashonships, just for a exscuse to try to not feel.  I just can;t go through another bad phase. I won't go backk to the dark place that only i know rests in my mind. I will never go back through those double doors of the instituion that claimed three months of my life. Thats why i have you. So i don't go through that; so i can talk to somone who understands me. And even if its pen and paper, i still am greatful.  

I still wish i had a hero to save me from the pressing lonliness.