all I ever wanted (Harry Styles luv story)

ch37 "It's either you or my career. I can't do both."

I debated the idea of signing the contract for a few days and it was now Thursday. Spencer needed my decision tomorrow. I still hadn't told Harry about the contract at all, because I wanted to make my decision before hearing his opinion. Then, after I'd come to my own conclusion, I could take his opinion into account and figure out what I was going to do.I sat in the studio lounge alone, preparing myself to call Harry and tell him the news. I dialed the number and hoped he'd be as excited as I was."Hello?" He answered after two rings."Hey baby!" I chirped."What are you doing?" He asked."Just taking a break and I wanted to call you. What are you boys up to?""I'm at dinner with Lou, Lux, and Tom. The other boys are off doing their own thing." He replied. Great he's at dinner. Do I bring it up? Ugh."Oh, well can you talk for a second or should I just call back later?" My heart raced."Um, hang on this sounds important, let me step outside.""No, it's okay, finish your dinner and we can talk later!" Sissy. Can't even tell your boyfriend about the biggest decision of your life."Leah, stop with the nonsense. We're almost finished with dinner anyways. Ah, here I'm outside on a bench. Talk to me." He sounded worried."Well, Amtrex has offered me a three year contract." I barely spoke."Leah, that's amazing! I'm so proud of you! Do you realize how big this is? They never give out long term contracts!" He sounded so excited and I could picture the smile on his face."I'm not taking it." I wasn't sure if he heard me; my voice had dropped so low."WHAT?" He heard me. "Leah this is an incredible opportunity. Why are you not taking it?""If I take it I have to live in LA for the next three years.""And?" He asked."And I won't get to be with you as much. I love you, Harry and I want to be with you.""Baby, I love you too, but we'll see each other! We'll find ways like we do now! You have to do what's best for you, Leah!" His voice was raised and I was a little scared."You are what's best for me!" I shouted back, hoping he would calm down."Don't throw your career away for me, Leah. Talent like yours shouldn't be wasted!" He was still being stern with me."Do you not want to be with me all the time or something? Because most boyfriends would be flattered and excited and happy!" I couldn't understand why he was acting like this."I am, but your career is important Leah. Don't throw that away!""So what, you want me to throw us away? I can't live like this for the next three years, Harry! One Direction is doing fantastic, so it's not like you'll be getting any time off soon! Why can't I just take time off to spend with you?""You'll get to spend time with me either way, Leah! We're doing just fine, now. Why are you making this out to be a big deal?" He yelled some more."The way I see it, it's either my career or you. I want to continue my future with you, not my career. You know whatever I do, I always have to give 100%! These past few months, I've had to split my time. I've been neglecting my career for our relationship and I don't want to do that anymore!" I fired back. "I want to give one thing my all. Why can't you be happy that I want to give you my all?""Leah, you're not understanding where I'm coming from. Amtrex is a huge contender in the music industry and they want you! Don't let that slip away!""So I should just let us slip away? Because our future cannot continue if I'm stuck halfway across the world from you. That's not a proper relationship. I'd like to at least be married in three years, Harry. And maybe even have kids. How is that supposed to work with us being apart all the time?" I was in tears now."I don't know, Leah. Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?" He snapped."Because I was scared this would be your reaction! I was scared that you wouldn't want me with you all the time!" I yelled and hung up.Tears spilled onto my cheeks as I curled up on the couch.Why is he acting this way?(Harry's POV)I jumped up from the bench and paced. How could she throw her future away for me?I loved Leah and wanted to be with her more than anything else, but I couldn't stand by and watch her throw her life away just to follow me around. She was too talented and she loved performing too much.I stormed back into the restaurant and took my seat."Everything okay?" Lou eyed me. She and Tom knew me so well and I knew I had to tell someone, so I spilled."She really loves you, Harry. She just wants you in her future and this is the only way she knows how to secure that." Lou said after I'd told her the story.I knitted my brow and decided to give away my biggest secret."Do you remember back when the boys and I had to decide whether or not we were signing with Syco for another five years of One Direction?" Lou and Tom nodded. "Well, while everyone was thinking it over, I sent some solo demos to Amtrex. I'd wanted to work with them ever since I saw the big names they'd created. Well, they told me to stick with One Direction - that they weren't sure I'd make it if I went solo. I never actually wanted to leave the band, I just had to see if I'd ever have a chance if the boys did decide to retire. And now that Amtrex has shown interest in signing Leah, it kills me to know that she's throwing it away.""When it was your dream to sign with them?" Tom added."Yes. She's so good and she doesn't even realize it. Amtrex could do big things for her. I don't want to be the thing that keeps her from becoming a huge artist. We all know that she's got what it takes." I sighed."Harry, you can't push her into something just because you want it for her. Let her do what makes her happy." Lou patted my hand."But what if she declines Amtrex and then later down the road she regrets it. I love her and want to make her happy, but how can I compete with a record deal with the most successful company in the business?" I gripped my napkin, feeling a knot in my stomach."If you make her happy enough that she wants to decline this deal, she'll never regret it. She truly loves you, Haz. You can't decide what makes her happy, or her future. You can only be apart of it. Don't worry about the deal. She'll do what's right for her and you just need to be there to love and support her, whatever she choses." Lou smiled reassuringly."Yeah!! Love Aunt Leah!" Lux beat her fists on the table, causing Tom and Lou to giggle. I smiled, realizing they were right. As long as I love and support her, she'll be just fine. I'm such a dickhead.(Leah's POV)"Leah! Leah, wake up!" Spencer poked me.I looked around, not sure of where I was, but soon realized I was still in the studio lounge."We thought you'd left. You've been missing for an hour!" He seemed aggravated."Sorry." I mumbled, remembering the previous phone call. I wiped the mascara out from under my eyes and followed Spencer back to the recording room.I tried to record a few of the songs for the last album of my current contract, but I was too distracted."You know what, just take the rest of the day off. Go home, figure out whatever it is that has your mind occupied, and come back when you're ready to sing." Spencer left the room.I sat there for a second, tears threatening to flood my face once more, but I held it in until I got to my car. Where does this leave Harry and I? Did we breakup? Are we just arguing? We never argue. Why hasn't he called?A million thoughts ran through my head as I made it home and crawled into bed. I pulled the covers over my head. What do I do now? If Harry and I are through, I need to know so I can take the deal. Should I take the contract anyways, now? Does he want me in his future? Ughhh what am I even doing with my life?My phone rang and I debated on whether or not I should get out of bed to find it. The responsible side of me won and I searched my purse for my cell phone."Hello." I huffed, not really wanting to talk to him, but knowing I needed to."Do I make you happy enough so that in twenty years you won't look back and say 'Damn, what was I thinking chosing him over my career?'" He sounded like this question was the most important one he'd ever asked."If I had a choice between you and never singing again for the rest of my life, I'd still chose you. But if you keep being a jackass, that could change."He let out a little giggle. "Well, forgive me. I'm done being a pain in the ass. If I make you that happy, then I'm one lucky man. When do you move to London?"I wanted to leap in the air and scream to the top of my lungs, but I kept my composure. "So you think it's all supposed to be fixed that easy?""No. You also have roses and a dozen donuts on their way to you right now."I couldn't hold it in any longer. I squealed. "I love you! And I don't care if you're a pain in the ass, because you're my pain in the ass!. Even when you're mean, you make me happy! I'll move in as soon as Amtrex releases me, baby! I love you, I love you!""I love you, Leah! Whatever you decide to do with your life, as long as it keeps you happy, I'm going to be there to love and support you 100%. I promise." I could hear the smile in his voice."That means so much to me, Harry." I couldn't keep the grin off of my face."You mean so much to me." His deep voice made me want to melt into a puddle."But, I just need you to clear something up." I cut him off, needing to know the truth."Okay." He encouraged."Why did you have a change of heart?" I had to know. His opinion changed drastically within a matter of hours and I needed to know why.Harry told me about his talk with Tom and Lou, and about his experience with Amtrex."Why didn't you just tell me? You know you can tell me anything." I was a little hurt."No one knew. Tom and Lou were the first I told. My mum doesn't even know. I never wanted anyone to know. I just didn't want you to lose your career for me." He answered, making me feel a bit better."It's not like I'll never sing again, Harry. I could always sign with someone in London." I tried to make him understand that I didn't want my career to be completely over - I just wanted a break."I know that now. Lux told me to just forget all the bullshit, and just love you. She's wise beyond her years." He sighed."I hope she didn't tell you that verbatum." I giggled and Harry joined in."Being around all of us, she's probably going to have the filthiest mouth!" He laughed a little harder. "Poor Baby Lux.""I love you." I broke the laughter because I had to let him know. "You're more important to me than any career, Harry. I know what I'm doing. If I had the slightest notion that I would ever regret this, I wouldn't do it.""I know, baby. I love you too.""So, another three years with Amtrex?" Spencer handed me a pen as we sat as his desk. He was all smiles, but when I rejected the pen, his face fell."Spenc, I've loved my time with Amtrex. They've given me so many wonderful opportunities and have grown me as an artist. I'm thankful for all they've done for me, but I have to respectfully decline the contract. Amtrex is not what's best for my future right now. I'm sorry." I spoke with confidence. I'd never been more sure of anything in my entire life.Spencer looked shocked. "Are you serious?""Yes. Thank you for all you've done for me, too. I definitely would not be here without you." I smiled, hoping he'd understand."Well, only you know what's truly best for you. I'll call Ron and let him know." Spencer wrote something down on his notepad and I got up to leave. "Leah...""Yeah?" I turned to see him sitting there with watery eyes."Wherever your future takes you, you're going to love it. I expect nothing short of great from you, Leah Sadler." I walked over to hug him and we stood there, hugging and teary eyed over what the future was going to hold.