all I ever wanted (Harry Styles luv story)

ch9 go

Harry buried his face in his hands, speechless when I finished telling him about Louise, Caroline and Raya. "I - I can't believe this." He stammered. He looked up at me and his eyes were dark with anger."Neither can I." I folded my arms. I was still mad with him, but right now this whole problem was bigger than my anger. We couldn't just forget about that little girl that was Harry's child. She needed her daddy. Plus, Louise was elderly and taking care of a five year old had to be hard on her. I leaned back in my seat at the restaurant. I'd called Harry and asked him to meet me for lunch after I'd left Louise's home. Kirsten was at home with Devon and Harry and I had to sort things out. "We have to do something Harry.""I know, but what? We can't do anything legally without Caroline's consent and if she's really on drugs, she won't come any where near the courts. But that's my child. I have to meet her - support her at least." He played with his food, his mind focused on other things."We're stuck. But surely we can at least befriend Louise, help her financially, or just let you meet the little girl?" I ran through options, but I didn't know how Louise would react to any of it. She seemed set in her ways and I couldn't see her accepting any money or help. I wasn't sure if she'd let Harry in Raya's life, though. That would be worth finding out. I picked up my phone and dialed Louise."What are you doing?" Harry asked."Calling Louise to see what kind of interaction she'd be willing to have with us." I raised my finger to my mouth to tell him to keep quiet. Finally, Louise answered. "Hi, Louise, it's Leah.""Hello dear. Did you forget something?" She replied."No ma'am. I just - Harry and I want to be a part of Raya's life - whether you allow us to have a relationship with her, or if we at least send you some financial support. But we want you to make the decision. Of course, we want to be very involved in her life, but ultimately, you're her guardian and you decide things for her. What do you say?" I waited patiently for her reply."Honey, Raya is not a charity case. She's a little girl." Louise raised her voice."Louise, I know. I don't think she's a charity case! We want to be a part of her life, we just didn't know how you would feel about it." I defended, upset that I'd accidentally offended the woman."I do not think it's a good idea." She hung up the phone. I fought tears. That conversation had not gone like planned. I told Harry what she'd said."There has to be something we can do." He said, but I heard defeat in his voice. There was nothing we could do at all.++One month had passed and my mind had only been on Raya. I couldn't figure out why. Harry was still living at Louis and Eleanor's, but we'd gone to dinner twice. Things were awkward because I still wasn't happy with him and he felt like he had to apologize every five seconds.I'd tried to call Louise again, but she'd avoided my calls. The situation was all Harry and I ever talked about, making our relationship even more distant because it only reminded us of our problems and the hurt.Devon was growing fast. He was speaking quite well now and had began to play on a mini guitar that Harry had bought him. He'd sing random words and giggle, wanting to be just like Harry. It hurt because I'd used to have that same kind of admiration for Harry Styles but somewhere between the Caroline and Raya story, I'd lost it. I wanted to find it again and rekindle our relationship, but each time we were around one another it didn't feel right anymore. Part of me imagined becoming a family again and adding Raya to the mix, but the other part of me never saw Harry and I working things out. It scared me.Are you busy today? -HarryI read the text, noting how my heart didn't jump when he contacted me anymore.No. Just hanging out with Devon. Why? -LeahA client just cancelled their recording slot for today. It was a six hour appointment. Do you want to come in and work on your album? -HarryWe hadn't worked on my album since before we'd separated. The company promotional event was two weeks away and I had no idea if Harry and I were still performing or not. The album was a duet album - meaning full of love songs and the thought of singing with Harry made my stomach churn. But, my album needed to be out this year and if I didn't work on it, I'd never get it released.Sure. I'll be there in half an hour. -LeahKirsten took Devon and I changed into something presentable before heading to the studio.I walked into the studio, greeting familiar faces on the way in. A few surprised looks later, I was in Harry's main recording room. "Hey." I shyly stated, suddenly taking big interest in staring at the shoelaces on my converse."Hi." His eyes fell on me and I noticed him looking me up and down. I pulled my jacket tighter around me, not knowing why I'd gotten a chill in the warm room. "Let's get to work." He smiled, handing me my copy of the lyrics and chords to the song. We found our seats and began to practice the song.I picked up on the first verse, spilling my heart into it. As I sang I couldn't help but notice the way he watched me - as if I was the only one who existed.Why do you keep looking out the window?Is there something left behind or never found?Mmm do I even want to move?How, if you knew what I was thinkingI wonder if they even dry a tearOh, there's just one way to find outGo, Go, GoI stopped as Harry began to sing his verse. His sultry voice filled my senses and I felt myself come back to life.Did sirens steal your heart when you weren't looking?Look's like you made up your mind.I'd have to say I didn't see this comingBut who does?You won't want to see me standing in the doorSo Go, Go, GoI couldn't help but notice how this song that we'd written months ago fit our situation perfectly. We continued to the chorus, our voices joining in unison.I don't want to hurt youDo you ever listen?I don't want to run.You're not the only oneI don't want to touch youEternally I'm brokenWho but we becomeBefore we could finish the last line of the chorus, he'd pulled me into his arms and had me pushed up against the wall. He kissed me roughly, sending shivers down my spine. I kissed him back, realizing how much I'd missed him. He pulled his lips away from mine to sing the last line of the song, his voice deep and rough.I don't want to goI kissed him again. "You don't have to go." I whimpered under his touch. He leaned back, searching my eyes for answers."Really?" He asked, surprised. A wave of guilt hit me. I'd been putting him through utter hell for the past month. He didn't think there was hope for us anymore. Tears welled up in my eyes."I need you more than I can fathom. I've been trying to ignore it and hate you for lying to me, but I can't keep forcing you out of my mind and life. I can't keep being mad at you. I love you too much. Please stay. Don't go." In that moment, all felt right. Yes, we'd both made mistakes and let our relationship suffer, but we were made for one another and I couldn't lose him over petty arguments. Yes, what he did was wrong, but me being mad at him was immature. I should have listened to him and tried to fix things - for the sake of our relationship and Devon.Harry kissed me again, his hands trailing up and down my body. His mouth moved to my neck and my back arched in pleasure. "I'm never going anywhere. I'll always be here. I'll always be yours." He whispered, breathlessly.