Unclassified

It hurts

It's yet another Friday night and I'm up at 2 am still thinking of him.But why? I don't know but I'm obsessed, I'm attached and I'm letting him control my life. I'm sick of letting my emotions take control of my life

Before I came to that school I was fine

Before I met him I was fine

Now I feel lost

Completely Broken

Like I'm in my own personal hell

I know I should never let a crush determine who i am

Everyone in this world has a pleasure... A desire. My desire was to feel like someone cares... To be loved. When I was young I always watched Disney princess movies and replayed it over and over wishing I can be like her.

That girl that was adored because of her inner beauty, her beauty was so radiant it showed on the outside too and touched the heart of her prince.

In reality it's not like that at all. If you have acne on your face or crocked teeth a boy won't even take a second glance at you. My expectation on boys were created by Disney. They made me believe I will just meet a boy and he'll fall in love with me but No it's not that easy. They only go for the pretty girls ... If the cover don't catch there eye they don't bother to read the story. My story is a lot deeper then guys think.

First of all I nearly died as a baby. I turned blue as a baby and stopped breathing. Of course I survived but sometimes I wonder why. Why would I be going through all this hell if I nearly died? Why couldn't I just end there ? What is my purpose to live for? My existence in this world doesn't make a difference in anyone lives... I honestly think people hate me. They probably sees my emotions as a game or something because they don't know all the other hell I've been through. When I was 3 my father died due to diabetes and asthma. Which made my mom loose a lot when he passed away. She lost the house down by the bay and lived in another apartment in the complex that I live in now. Back then I was still young , 4 and 5 to be exact, but still it was a 1 bedroom apartment with a bathroom, a kitchen and a living room / dining room. It was small but nicer then place I live now. Now I live in a studio apartment with little space. It's kinda crowded to be honest. Before I moved into the studio , we were living at my grandmothers house because we sold the 1 bedroom apartment for a house in Georgia but then we came back to the city.

I know peoples' situations are worse so I don't complain because I have the things I need to live and if one day I find my purpose and hopefully make a lot of money from it I would donate to people who lack in food, shelter and clothes. Everyone deserves a home

A home is a place full of warmth and comfort... Honestly I always pictured my prince as a home. I'm actually losing faith ... I'm not pretty and I feel like my life's a joke and i need to change it for the better.

People see me as the aggressive violent tempered crazy bitch...

If only they knew how sensitive I really am... Everything they say hurts me. The fact that I'm crying now and I have cried many other nights proves it.It literally runs in my head like a song on replay. It just goes over again however theres no stop...

I just decided to try to stop thinking of all these things and listen to songs to clear my mind I go on iTunes Radio to hear spam music on my iPhone and I put on my beats to block out everything else. The first song that comes on is S.O.S by Rihanna and every word remind me of Brett ...

Lalala lalala la la lala la Ohhh

You know... I never felt like this before