Shades of Dusk

Aquaphor Is Only Half The Answer

The three of them skip labs that afternoon, and Pha and Kit are kind enough to not leave his side, even while they both get numerous text messages from their own partners. They get food and alcohol and end up in Pha's dorm, scattered around the room and quiet as a movie plays on Pha's laptop.

Neither Pha or Kit make any mention when Beam starts to silently cry towards the end of the happy-ever-after sort of movie. Nor do they make any comment when he finally turns his phone back on, but turns it immediately to silent, with the screen face-down.

Beam is still falling, and he's starting to be able to see the ground, and he just fucking knows it's going to hurt like hell when he finally slams to a stop.

\;*;/

It's the second day without Forth, and Beam has had to turn his car around three times from going towards the Engineering faculty buildings. Kit and Pha aren't with him, today, and he can't ask them to be. They have their own lives to live, their own romances to nurture and care for, and while they are supportive friends he knows he needs to fix this on his own.

Even though he isn't sure he can, at this point.

So he throws himself into the project he is supposed to be doing, ignoring the sneering from his partner, concentrating on cranking out the best goddamn paper and presentation the teacher could have ever asked for. The two of them work hard on it, long into the night, and Beam is pretty damn proud that he never once glances at his phone, at the notifications of new messages.

It is on the third day that he finally breaks, finally looks at his phone.

There is a single text message, only one. Just two words that have his heart stopping, his brain shuttering for a moment to the conversation and the scars and how Forth had fucking promised, but he'd fucked that up, hadn't he?

Just two words, and it shatters him, has him slamming to his feet as he throws his books and laptop carelessly into his bag, not even bothering to say goodbye to his project mate.

I'm sorry, Ai'Beam.

\;*;/

It takes him a good three hours or so to calm down, to come back to his senses. By that time, he is sweaty and his shoulders hurt, and his back is in agony, and he's learned some interesting ways to get from the medical faculty to other places around campus.

Kit finds him slumped on a bench outside their dorm, his bag half in his lap as he tries to catch his breath from the hike he's just made from the Science faculty. The sky is just starting to be painted with the colors of sunset, and while he normally would find it beautiful, all he can think of are the colors on Forth's arm that were clawed through, marked and bloody.

It leaves him more breathless than he would have been normally, and he's sure some of the moisture on his face is the tears of frustration he can feel pressing at the back of his eyes, making his throat tight.

"Shit, Beam, what the hell happened to you, this time?" Kit demands, sitting gingerly on the bench beside him as though any sudden movement will send him skittering off.

"I... I went looking for Forth," he admits, wheezing a little. Was he really that out of shape?

"Ai'Beam..." Kit's voice holds a note of pity, and for once Beam feels a spark of that old anger, causing him to jerk up, glaring as he pants for breath.

He probably looks like a rabid dog, right now. And he really, really doesn't fucking care.

"Don't you dare, Kitty," he warns, holding his finger up, pointing it in Kit's face. Kit scowls in return, but remains silent, crossing his arms over his chest.

It takes a moment, but the anger drains out of Beam, leaving him to sigh as he finally manages to get his heart rate and breathing under control. It seems like second nature to slump over and use his best friend as a convenient leaning post, much to the growled frustration of said best friend.

"I just wish I could find him. And talk to him again," Beam sighs into the cooling silence between them. Kit hesitates, but a moment later there is an arm slung around Beam's shoulders, warm and familiar.

"Just give him time, Ai'Beam," Kit urges, like it's the easiest damn thing in the world.

"Time?" he scoffs, scowling as he jerks upright, half-turning to face his best friend. "Time?!"

"Beam--" Kit warns, frowning, crossing his arms over his chest again in a defensive posture.

"Isn't three fucking days more than enough time?" he demands, waving his hands around, nearly catching Kit in the face with one flailing hand. Kit grabs his arm and shoves it down out of the way, keeping a hold of it as his arm goes back around Beam's shoulders.

All at once, Beam deflates.

"I miss him, Ai'Kitty," he whispers, staring down at where his hands hang between his legs, pale and wrong and missing something.

"Have you thought to tell him that?" Kit huffs, nudging him none-too-gently with raised eyebrows.

Beam swallows, fingers clenching around each other, turning his skin a bloodless white that is both slightly fascinating and completely freaky.

"I'm... I'm afraid he won't respond," he admits, biting his lip. Trying really, really hard not to think about the heaviness he's starting to become accustomed to.

"He won't until he's ready, and you have to be prepared for that," Kit tells him bluntly, giving him a squeeze.

"You're so comforting," he snaps, struggling for a moment against the hold around him, only to stop when Kit's grip tightens on him. Kit's dark eyes are sharp, glaring at him.

"No, I'm your best friend. I would be an asshole if I led you on with platitudes," Kit reminds, earning a soft, weak laugh in return.

"Thanks, Ai'Kitty. You really are the best friend that a guy could ask for," he sighs, shaking his head helplessly. The grin he gets is one that brightens his day, one that he would have spent minutes upon minutes trying to entice out of Kit.

It's nostalgic, and it bolsters his spirit to get him through another day. What would he do without Kit?

\;*;/