Shades of Dusk

Invisible Ink

There are times when Beam is sure of what he's doing. Sure, in fact, of the path that he's heading down academically. He is convinced that it's the right thing. And he is convinced that the other students of his faculty are like him: they genuinely want to help people and make the world a better place.

Right now is not one of those times.

The other med student sitting across from him is not one of the other two members of the "Illegal Doctor Gang", as the three of them have come to be known on campus. No, it is simply a member of the camp whose primary goal is to attempt to get between he and Forth, for whatever stupid reason. It's not the first time this has happened; where he's been cornered and shoved around, talked down to or verbally abused, or even just accused of throwing his future away. The sad fact of the matter was that this was probably not going to be the last time, either.

Today, though-- and this what was really starting to irritate him-- seemed to be more along the lines of the other student wanting his Forth for themselves. The real kicker is the guy isn't unattractive. In fact, at one time Beam might have considered him a rival, or even friendly competition. But right now, the guy is just pissing him off. It doesn't help matters that this guy is someone he's supposed to be trying to do a project with.

"...All I'm saying is that I simply don't see the draw. You're too.... clean." Finally, finally the guy is done talking, but that is seriously the argument? That he's... too much of a goody-two-shoes or something?

"You clearly don't know me very well, or you wouldn't be saying that I'm too 'clean'," Beam informs him flatly, glaring, pulling a face when the guy looks away for the briefest of moments. His face smoothes back to cold passivity when the guy looks back again after giving Beam a once over, and it takes a great deal of self control for Beam to remain passive at the smirk he gets from the guy.

"You mean, you have tattoos?" the guy asks, sounding entirely too amused by the thought.

And now, Beam is confused. What does having tattoos have anything to do with being 'clean'?

It takes a second, but then it clicks as the man continues to take verbal jabs at Beam, not even realizing that his subject has ceased to pay attention.

The guy meant that he had no tattoos, his skin untouched by permanent ink. That, somehow, not having any equated to not being a good match for Forth. Which was dumb. He saw plenty of couples where only one of the pair had tattoos.

...didn't he?

This wouldn't be the first time he's wondered, and worried, about his ability to be a good match for Forth. To be quite frank, even with knowing each other as little as they do, he feels like they aren't all that similar. There is the fact that they want to protect their friends, that they had become acquaintances through mutual friends, and then friends by default, but. But that wasn't necessarily a way to build a relationship, was it?

He wouldn't honestly know. Kit... definitely did not fucking count.

He's never really been in a place where feelings were something that could be shared. That he and the other party were on the same page, and the attraction was deeper than just the contact between their skin. Oh, the sex with Forth was absolutely fantastic, but that wasn't all there was between them. The emotions that Forth managed to pull out of him, encourage in his heart, were not emotions that he's ever felt with anyone else. They were warm, grounding, even while they gave him a rush: it was like he was on an open highway going far beyond the speed limit, the world whizzing by in a blur of color. The fear was there, of course, that he wouldn't be able to turn the wheel, that he would go careening over the edge of an unforeseen cliff, the metaphorical heartbreak that he's always bracing himself for.

But he's never been in a relationship, before. This whole thing was new to him, and what he's finding is there's no clear answer to the question of whether he's doing it right or not. And he hates not knowing if he's doing it right. He hates how ambiguous things are, overall; how complicated. That was life, though; that was just how the human experience was, and he's resigned himself to that. Forth would tell him if he's doing something wrong.

...Right?

This whole conversation about tattoos, though; about his skin being too 'clean', about him not having any: it's just another way for his brain to question whether or not things between he and Forth will really last. Whether or not it was real, whether or not he was good enough.

He scowls darkly at the other med student, whose smirk quickly slips away at the thundercloud that has become Beam's face. Clearly, the kid understands that now is not a good time to tease the med student who has found himself in an unfortunate thought spiral.

A thought spiral that can be, and is, only halted by one thing; halted by one person.

"Ai'Beam, what's with the scary face? Did the textbook say something you didn't like?" is the teasing comment that Forth gives him, his voice deep and close, startling Beam enough to jerk almost painfully in the uncomfortable chair.

"Ai'Forth," Beam grumbles, taking a less-than-half-hearted swing at the other man for the scare, not wanting to make it seem as though he's intentionally reaching out for the engineering student. Forth seems to understand the intent, letting the swipe connect, even as he grabs the hand that curls into his t-shirt, holding onto it warmly, gently.

Beam will forever deny the way his stomach flutters when Forth touches him like this: warm and sure, like he knows what the hell he's doing. It's reassuring, and it eases the weight on Beam's shoulders. It soothes away the ache of insecurity that was starting to creep up on him.

It doesn't get rid of it, but it eases it. And for now, that's enough. More than enough, really.

"Are you done for the day?" Forth asks him, moving into his space, leaning over him to be overly nosy as to what Beam has been working on.

"Effectively, yes," Beam sighs, turning the 'scary face' once more on the other Med student, who is staring at the two of them with the sort of look Beam has seen on Kit's face when it comes to shoes. The look that says one thing, loud and clear: I want that and I'm going to have it.

"Let's get dinner, then," Forth declares, already starting to gather things up for Beam, never mind that Beam hasn't exactly agreed to have dinner with him.

This seems to be the highlight of their relationship. Beam would honestly be more worried about the issue of consent if he wasn't absolutely, 9000% sure that Forth would stop the moment he asked. And, okay, so Forth taking charge was something that he... kind of enjoyed? Perhaps not in the bedroom sense, but damn if it wasn't refreshing not to have to think for even just five minutes. It helps that he does it, too, when his engineer looks about ready to implode.

Or like he's about to strangle an underclassmen, one of the two.

As it is, Beam sighs heavily and glares at Forth, though there is definitely no heat behind it. There is only a fondness, there, that stems from that familiar warm rush in his veins that sings through him, leaving him sure that he could touch the clouds if given the chance.

Never mind that he's absolutely terrified what will happen if his wings get taken away from him, this high above the ground.

\;*;/ 

A/N: Sorry for the long wait on this one! I ended up super, super busy the week before my trip for American Thanksgiving. Then, of course, because I am that lucky, I ended up super sick. Thank you for all of the votes, I definitely appreciate it! I should, theoretically, have the next chapter up in a few days. Much love to you all!