Hold Me (Reddie)

I Loved Him (richie)

Richie thought all night, and had made his decision, even though he didn't want it to be final. He knew what would have to happen, but he didn't know how it would, he didn't know what he could even say. He just knew that things would be different by the time the sun rose. His decision hurt him, his decision burned his chest like a severe kind of heartburn, but he knew what was right and what was wrong. I need to say something. I need to fix this before it breaks anymore.

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Eddie woke up before Richie, so by the time Richie opened his eyes, he didn't even have time to really prepare what he was going to say. His heart was on fire inside his chest, an unbearable fire, a burn that felt like it could kill him. He needed to say something, but he couldn't. For the first time he understood how Bill felt in a way, almost speechless, and he prayed he wouldn't stutter. But before he could speak, Eddie did.

"Are you okay? You look upset," Eddie commented.

You're making this hard, Richie thought. Too bad I love you, Eds, but you probably wouldn't believe me if I said it was true. "I realized something last night, Eddie, and I need to explain. I don't want to be in a relationship with you. Relationships are shit, okay? No one has ever had a good relationship that lasts, and I don't want to have to deal with that kind of thing. It would be smarter if we just...didn't, okay? You mean the world to me, you're everything, but I know our friendship will die if we branch it into anything more. I can't fall in love with you. It's too dangerous. I don't want to lose you."

Eddie was sobbing now, the tears falling fast past his cheeks and into his hands. Richie tried to wipe them away, but Eddie swatted at his hands. "B-but Richie, I love you, I do, I know that, I know we can do this, I can't just lose you!"

"You can, Eds, you're the strong one," Richie said. "You're the strong one, I'm the weak. I'm running away because I'm scared."

"You don't have to be scared!" Eddie was practically begging, sobbing and yelling like his life had just been cut short. Richie knew that Eddie was confused. He didn't love him. He didn't know love at all, he was just a confused little thirteen year old boy. "You don't have to be scared, and you don't have to leave. You can stay Richie! Why don't you stay? I thought you wanted to be my boyfriend! Why did you lie to me?"

Richie felt a couple tears start to form in his eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm so damn sorry. But it's not right. I can't do this. I don't want to end up breaking your heart."

"That's what you're doing, fuck you Tozier! Fuck you for lying, fuck you for pretending, fuck you for acting like I meant something to you! It's all bullshit, isn't it? It's bullshit, you lied, you're pathetic and I fucking hate you!"

"Wait," Richie cried, trying to grab Eddie's hand. "Please, Eds, you don't understand-"

"Don't call me that! You're awful!" Eddie broke down again, crying in Richie's lap, while Richie just held him and cried himself. He knew Eddie was hurting, but he also knew it was right. He knew he had to be strong, he knew that he was stopping it before it got worse.

"Goodbye, Eddie," he muttered, opening the window. He heard a mixture of curses muffled through tears. He kissed the boy's forehead before leaping out the window into the snow. He wiped the tears from his eyes and walked on home, passing the house on Neibolt Street as he did. For some reason, the house seemed a whole lot less scary than it did before. It seemed almost quiet enough to be normal.

"Don't you think it's strange how we keep running into each other?" Richie turned around. It was that lady, from a couple nights before. He wiped his tears before speaking.

"Uh, yeah, weird indeed."

"Are you alright sir?" She seemed concerned. Maybe she should've been.

"No, I think I just killed him, but I have no way to be sure. I almost loved him, but I guess that's just too much for me."

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Richie didn't speak to Eddie. All the other losers continued to be friends, and Richie watched it all from a distance, as Eddie almost seemed to move on. Of course, as time passed, their bonds each started to fade. They all grew older and different, as if controlled to by some weird twist of fate. And Richie was alone a lot more, but he was okay with that. He almost deserved it. He only started drinking when he was eighteen, and took after his mother for a while before getting his first gig. Years and years passed and luckily he forgot about the kid he had damaged so long before, the pain he had caused. He didn't remember until even later, when he was older and different and still as terrified as he had been. It had been the day he got the call, of course, the day they had all gotten the calls. All of them, called within a span of an hour, by Mike Hanlon, though Richie didn't even recognize the name until he thought for a second. He thought for a second and remembered the boy he had hurt, the boy he had loved.

Xxxx
This is not the end