heaven or hell? - a mindscape

guilt !

stolen moments with you, i am a thief. but i should have been with you when the moments were offered. when i should have been there. i let you down.
i was invisible.
nowhere to be found.
and the walls crumbled and the sky fell in. shards of beautiful blue rained down around you as if the stars were crying lightning tears, tearing your skin and staining the sky red.
i was underground, laying with another. safe and intoxicated on fumes and burning drinks, but with my mind still on you. always i was split when i was away from you, but i was so addicted to the suffering and the deceit that i gave in.
if i had
the best thing
in the world,
why would i worry if everything else i stand for is evil and wrong?
but
when the walls crumbled and the sky fell in,
nowhere to be found.
i was invisible.
so, returning to the surface after bathing in a thick pool of sin and sweat and illegal substances,
i saw the disaster that i thankfully but tragically avoided.
i looked to the heavens and saw only blackness where the blue used to be.
i looked through the rubble, hoping to find you,
maybe i could hold you.
maybe i could tape your angel wings back on.
but i was the one that betrayed you,
i was the one that gave you the ability to fly,
i was the one that kept you grounded. you were waiting for me.
when the walls crumbled and the sky fell in.
when the walls crumbled and the sky fell in.
in exchange for bodily pleasures, i lost the most precious glow to grace our little world.
now its just my world. my sad
dark
lonely
shattered
world.
i am guilty for feeling so right for five minutes, so now i will live with doing so wrong fourever.
three.
two.
one.
the end.