heaven or hell? - a mindscape

red. ghost. space.

i dont have a will to keep pushing forward, i never know where im going to be able to go after i take a step, one step could be my last. but i found her and she was my anchor. and then i lost her and life went back down the drain. now, bringing her back from the dead only serves to provide me with little comfort and little sleep at night. its like making love with a ghost, the thoughts are there, but the feeling, its missing. universes away. the closer she gets to me, the further she drifts. if she is never touching my skin, then i will never truly live, and ill always be dead. the world around me is glorious, but i cannot see it, i see the world through broken, bleeding eyes. everything i see is stained a deep sharp red, but whether its from the pain or the anger, i cannot discern. peace lies in my heart, somewhere, though it is coiled and asleep deep within me, doing me no favors. i need her touch to unlock the fingerprint secured door to my heart, to unleash the powerful beast called peace. and then the world as we know it will burn to ash and dust and be replaced with clarity of thought, and many other colors in the spectrum, not just the black and red that always seems to be in everything, everywhere.