The Broken Pieces Left Behind

Chapter 23

"Apparently," I started aiming for nonchalance in my voice, but even to my own ears I could tell that I had missed the mark, "now I'm Sara's sister." I breathed out slowly, willing the strain in my voice to go away, tucking my feet under me, playing with the frayed pieces at the knees of my ripped jeans. "She introduced me to Ari, the newest one in her line-up, as her sister."

"And how did you feel about that?"

"Mad," I responded my voice cracking. "I mean, I don't care about the guy. I know he'll be replaced by someone new in a couple of months anyway, but to know that she just diminishes our actual relationship just so that her boyfriend doesn't get scared and run off it, makes me feel. It..."

"Hurts," he provided and I lifted my eyes to his. There was understanding in his gaze and he reached to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Sara is still your mother and while she may not function in her role as one; her denying you will hurt. No matter what happens between the two of you she is always going to be your mother."

I blinked rapidly and huffed out my breath annoyed with myself that I was going to cry over it again. "I didn't expect it to hurt, but it does and she doesn't care. Do you know that she spent thousands of dollars for three days at a spa. At a freaking spa. What is she even thinking? How is that important?" I vented.

"Just because she's ignorant of how you feel doesn't mean she doesn't care about you," he said it simply but I had a hard time believing his words. I lived with the woman I could tell if she was even slightly interested in my life.  "She just isn't aware that she's hurt you."

"I think she knows exactly what she's doing, but I'm not important enough to her for her to feel bad."

"I think you should talk to her about it. Sit down and explain to her how you feel. Explain that her acrions hurt you and that it shouldn't happen again"

I couldn't sit still anymore, there was just too much energy thrumming in my veins and I bolted up off the couch moving to stand at the window. Crossing my arms in front of my chest I pursed my lips. It was still fairly bright outside and I studied the picture that the tops of building made as it partially obscured the view of the sky.

"I don't think it'll make much of a difference," I answered quietly and I truly believed that.

I wasn't going to talk to him about Jack. But there was a heavy feeling in my chest each time I thought about him and what he'd said to me. He hadn't mentioned it again but I still cartied the weight of it around with me. There was a certain amount of awkwardness around us now - or that could've just been me - but our relationship was at a point of possibly cooling down. If he loved me wouldn't he want to know if I loved him too? Wouldn't he have wanted me to say something especially after he'd confessed?

Maybe it was a sign that we didn't belong together anymore. But that, I didn't want to even consider because not having him in my life made me panic just a bit. I had grown accustomed to his teasing, his laugh, his kisses. I had simple grown accustomed to having him in my life.

"Jack wants me to move in with him after graduation," I said softly and for a while I wasn't even sure Phil had heard me.

I wasn't going to mention what had almost happen in Jack's living room. It felt to embarassing and too personal for me to share with even Phil. It was a private moment, albeit one made in haste but it had still happened. Heat rushed to my cheeks whenever I thought about it and I pressed my hands to my cheek before I turned to face him again.

He showed no real reaction to my words as he calmly replied. "And what did you say? Do you want to move in with him?" I shrugged. "You know it's okay if you do."