My anxiety has been getting bad again and I don't exactly enjoy it. I might have depression and everything is just so fucking heavy. It's just shit. I feel so fucking useless and like a burden, a problem that everyone has to deal with. I just feel like, no one likes me and they're there only because they feel bad for me. I'm laughing one minute and the next minute I'm cursing myself out because I hate myself so much. It's just, really fucking hard for me. Is it even worth living anymore because, I can't find any reasons. If you can, please, bring them to my attention. Everyone has been saying that a boy likes me but, why would he like me. I have scars all over my left forearm from self-harm and I have the lowest self esteem. I'm stupid, awkward, and annoying. How could anyone actually like someone with suicidal thoughts and actions. It just never clicked with me. There's so much wrong with me that, I can't see any things that are right about me. I'm not skinny, I'm not funny, I'm not pretty, I'm not perfect, I'm a fucking pessimist, how would he like me? He could have the prettiest girl in school and they think he likes me. I can't even imagine that. Maybe it's because I've never been loved or what, but I just don't understand it. I feel like it's just a stupid joke that they are all playing on me because of my feeling towards my self love. If they are trying to get my self esteem up, this isn't the way to do it. If he actually did like me, I'd say yes. Why? Because he saw the potential in me that I couldn't see for myself. Update: He doesn't like me and he went on to another girl. Not like I care. I wasn't surprised. I didn't really know if I liked him but, I was still a little disappointed because I thought someone actually liked me. But, that was my fault for thinking people actually care about me. No one gives 2 shits about me so, what's the point. Plus, I trusted him and he still treats me like a friend but, oh well. That's what I get for liking someone who actually exists. Anyways, I'm getting a counseling appointment tomorrow (2-15-18) for seeing if I have depression. I'll keep you guys updated on that. For now, thanks for letting me vent.
