Always Been You

Chapter Fifteen

Rachel

I felt weird as I looked down at the various magazines placed on the coffee table. I picked one up, and grimaced as I looked at the smiling model on the front cover. She looked so happy in her white bridal dress, with a bouquet of lilies in hand.

"How are you planning on revealing your engagement?" Amy, my manager, asked as she sat across from me. She had a smile on her face as she looked at the ring on my finger. I followed her gaze, and I watched the little diamonds sparkle in the sunlight.

Jessie proposed yesterday when I was at his apartment. He gave me a heartfelt speech, the kind that would have girls fainting and weak at the knees, but not me. It just didn't. . . It didn't reach my heart, it didn't make me feel butterflies like it should have. But now I realized I said yes to his proposal because I felt emotional at that moment, because everything seemed to be crumbling down around me. But was it really wrong for me to have said yes? I loved him, but did I love him enough?

"Maybe an engagement party?" I asked as I put the bridal magazine back on the coffee table. Amy nodded and took out her phone and typed down the different ideas that came to both of us.

"Now, knowing the press, is this going to be a big and public wedding or a small and private one?" She asked.

"Small and private," I answered as I looked out the window to my right side. In the corner of my eyes I could see Amy nod and write down the details. I looked back outside and watched birds fly on the blue sky. How was I going to break the news to Kurt? To my mom? . . . To Finn?

*   *   *

I kept my head down as I avoided the questions of the many journalists and paparazzi that were waiting outside my apartment complex.

"Rachel! How was your trip?"

"Where is Jessie?"

"Is that a ring?!"

"Jessie popped the question?!"

"When did this happen?!"

I kept walking towards my car as I held tightly to my purse. When I finally managed to get to my car, I quickly climbed inside and drove away as quickly as I could. I would normally try to answer their questions, but this time I wanted to keep my life low key. I didn't mind them knowing about my engagement, but I just wouldn't want any one of them at my wedding. If there even was one.

I kept driving to the airport. I didn't let Amy or Jessie know that I was going back to Lima. I wanted to tell my family and friends about the engagement face to face, not by some text, email, or by headlines.

I bought my ticket, and as I waited for my flight to be announced, I called my driver and asked him to take my car back to my apartment. When we hung up, my flight was ready and I braced myself for what was going to happen back home.

*     *     *

Kurt kept a megawatt smile on his face as I sat across from him in my living room. He was the first person I called when I arrived at the airport, and he sounded so  excited to see me even if I had only seen him a few weeks ago.

"What? What is it?" Kurt asked as he looked at me expectantly.

I took a deep breath, trying to quickly formulate something to soften the blow of my engagement. I knew that he wasn't a big fan of Jessie, and I understood that. And maybe my engagement to him wouldn't make Kurt happy, so I tried to come up with something that could make him have a positive take in this.

"I'm engaged," I blurted out. I couldn't come up with anything quick enough, or even remotely good enough. I just had to rip off the band aid, quick and dirty.

I kept my eyes on his face as it took him a few seconds to process the news. He blinked once, then twice. Shock and a small portion of disappointment appeared on his face, but quickly faded as he put on a smile on his face. It was clear that he was trying to be happy for me, but it just irked me.

"Oh, wow. Congrats," he simply said as he leaned in to hug me, but I leant back. Why could he not be 100% happy with me? Why couldn't he just understand that Finn and I wouldn't work out? Because he's married, well in the process of it anyway, and he wouldn't be the type to break up a marriage. He was too kind for that—even if it wasn't directed at me.

"Couldn't you have tried just a little bit harder?" I asked him as he frowned. Realization dawned on him and he sighed and slumped back on the couch.

"I am happy for you! You've found somebody to spend your life with, even if most don't like him—"

"It doesn't matter if you don't like him or if the whole damn world doesn't like him. I like him. Why can't you just accept that?" I snapped as I stood up.

"Rachel calm down!" Kurt said as he stood up as well, and raised his hands in surrender. "I'm happy for you, I really am. I'm really happy that you came all this way to tell me, instead of letting me find out about it all on tv." He sounded as if he was going to continue, but didn't.

"But?"

"But what?" He asked dumbfounded.

"You were going to say more," I said as I crossed my arms. He shook his head as he looked away. I stared at him, hoping that my burning gaze would push him to confess whatever was on his mind.

"I gave Finn the wrong idea."

I frowned at him, confused as to what he meant. He sighed and shook his head and sat down on the couch. "He's. . . He doesn't seem happy with Quinn due to the whole baby ordeal—"

"Baby ordeal?" I asked, thankful that my voice was somewhat strong. A million thoughts ran through my mind at a thousand miles per second, trying to connect the dots or even try to comprehend and accept that a baby was involved in this 'mess'.

Kurt stopped talking and casted his eyes towards the wooden floor. "Quinn is pregnant. . ."

"And Finn's the father," I finished, my voice now decreasing to above a whisper.