Red's Revenge || n.h.

10. Found {Lady}

10. Found {Lady}

►► “Half-Alive” by Secondhand Serenade

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I was surprised by my own choice of words . . . But seeing both my Father and brother work when they come over to the house before, I knew exactly how Lance’s wheels would turn. He may think a lot like Father, who does things all straight-forward and not holding back when he’s got the upper hand, but also unlike Father, he had two ways of working things: One, to do it straight-forward and just end everything; or two, to play his game of chess. And it always ends with him on the upper hand.

My brother is unbeatable when you act as according to his plans, when you don’t realize that all he’s doing is one big game — a game of life or death, a game of your own life. He’s always the queen, the one who’s most important and the one who’s always protected. He uses ‘lowly civilized’ people (his own words when he describes people who don’t even know that they’re being manipulated) as his other chess pieces. And they always end up dead, one way or another.

Lance has never been beaten in his game. Not until you backfire it all on him and make him the one to suffer. But my brother has got nothing to die or suffer for — our mother is dead, our father is dead and I’m sure he doesn’t want anything to do with me at all. He can play it as twisted as he wants, as uneven as he makes it as.

Even with that, I can’t help but feel anxious and a bit nauseated with the thought of Lance coming up to get me. Why would he want me if he doesn’t want anything to do at all with me? With Niall with me — especially right now, that one of his arms is draped loosely over me — I know I’m safe and nothing is ever going to harm me, even if he’s about as scary as a baby penguin. If that’s the case, we’re both baby penguins, one who’s just brave enough to face the monster instead of the other.

I’ve always been a coward. Coming to them and helping them find the truth about why Father really made the NA13 is a huge leap for me, edging me to the place I’ve always kept myself from: the edge, the part where everything might either end great or end really badly. I’ve moved myself away from getting to that edge ever since Mother had died, where everything had ended badly, and now I’ve broken it myself.

Was there time to go back and hide? I’ve never put that into the things I wanted to do next once I’ve gotten to do what I needed to do.

But what about Niall? What about those times that you’ve spent together? Will you just throw that new-found happiness just because you’re not sure you’re not safe anymore? My subconscious voice was yelling at me, and on cue, Niall murmured in his sleep and his arm went tight around me, making me flush.

I look up at the bedside table, trying to move the least way possible so I won’t be able to disturb him. It’s a quarter before 4 am; so, I only had four proper hours of sleep, with all the thinking and bothering inside my mind.

But how can I think of my happiness when I know he’s in danger with being with me? How about his own safety and happiness? I can’t risk all of who he is, even if I know that he’s already risked bits of himself in this, just because I was thinking about my own happiness. This isn’t just about my safety anymore — it already includes his.