Red's Revenge || n.h.

21. Crossed-Fingers {Niall}

21. Crossed-Fingers {Niall}

►► “Daylight” by Maroon 5

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I held her hand throughout the ride going back to my flat, and she didn’t say anything about letting go so I didn’t.

I knew I couldn’t simply just let her go right at that moment when she cried, even if she told me that I should go. It’s be a useless move — it’s like telling your pet dog that it can go and leave you but it comes back after it goes anyway. Except I don’t think I feel that . . . dog-ish at the moment.

And there should be no way that I am counting down the possible time we have left until . . . something. Until something happens. Right now, I just want to be with Lady and be someone she’ll lean on to at this moment. And I badly need her presence for something longer than just a few minutes.

“You know I’ll have to leave some time sooner, right?” Lady asked me softly when we got inside my flat and she curled up into a ball at my couch. I sat down on the floor, my face near hers.

“But that time isn’t right now, is it?” I asked her back and she didn’t answer. Instead, she closed her eyes and said,

“Please hold my hand again.”

So I did. And when I did, she opened her eyes by millimetres and started drawing circles at the place between my thumb and forefinger, as if she’s the one who’s consoling me right now with affection. But I have a feeling that she’s doing that because she’s trying to consoling herself rather. I gave her hand a soft squeeze and she closed her eyes again.

-:-:-:-

I brought Lady to my bedroom, gently pulling my hand away from hers as I brought her in bridal style. She was fast asleep as her head rested on my chest, near to where my heart was. Laying her down, I think she noticed the change of environment and pulled my hand when I backed away to let her sleep.

“No,” she murmured. “Don’t go.”

Deciding for a few seconds, I lay down beside her and brought her closer to me, my arms completely engulfing her tiny body. My heart was beating fast in my ribcage, as if wanting to get out, and I didn’t try to conceal it because it was a futile move. Instead, I tried to calm it down because 1) I didn’t want to die from a heart attack and 2) the sound might deafen Lady, whose ear was pressed against my chest.

“Why is it that the things you really want are the things you can’t ever have?” she whispered, sounding half muffled.

I loosened my embrace to look down at her. “I don’t know, Lady,” I said uncomfortable but added in a more steady voice, “but I do know that things don’t stay forever unreachable. You’re going to reach them and get them somehow, though it takes time.”

“Why do you think?”

“I’m holding you right now, aren’t I? After all of those times you’ve partly ignored my existence because you think it’s going to save me?”