daddy issues|| richie tozier

25

the cold wind hit my face pushing my hair to the side. i stood there looking down at the dead grass that had a tomb stone.

i looked at the small piece of cement like somehow my father was going to come out the ground. like a miracle was going to happen.

i put my hands in my pocket and sat down next to the grave. i laid back and looked up at the clowdy and dull day.

"hey dad" i began, "today at school i passed my math test that i told you about last time" i laughed a bit. "my teacher told me she didn't think i could do it, proved her wrong. anyway, i haven't went home yet. i don't want too..i'm scared to face mom and tyler" i sighed and closed my eyes.

i stopped talking for a bit and kinda for that moment, it felt like my dad was with me. "this really sucks dad, why did you do it? why did you choose to leave" i opened my eyes and the tears slipped down the side of my face.

"was it because of me? did i cause your death?" i sat up quickly, i looked down at the grave like it was going to give me an answer.

"you left me all alone in this town, in this town" i stood up and turned to face the grave. "i don't have anyone, you left me alone. what am i supposed to do now!" i yelled at the grave.

i wiped my face before i drowned in my own tears. "i can't do it anymore, no one knows how much this affected me!" i kicked the ground, i ran my hand threw my hair and sighed loudly.

"i'm so stuck" i whispered to myself.

"i'm so stuck" i repeated to myself, "i'm so so lost" i shook my head slowly. "im so alone..and i can't even tell you" i opened my eyes and looked at the grave again.

"all alone dad" i felt two arms around my waist. knowing who it was from the mini scar on the left thumb, i didn't fight him back.

i kinda just melted in his arms, i felt like a crying mess. my hair stuck to my cheeks from the tears. i turned around and put my head on his chest.

i closed my eyes and sniffled.

"you're okay" he rubbed my arm and kissed the top of my head.

i'm not okay, i'm so not okay. i'm so hurt, broken, lost and i'm just broken. i want to just be hidden away and just be alone.

at peace where i'm never nagged, but more just left alone. where it's quiet and silent and i can only hear my breath.

just left alone.

he rubbed my back and leaned his head on mine. he sighed loudly, i wiped my face and pulled away from him. he looked down at me and wiped the rest of my dry tears.

i looked at him with no emotion. i didn't have anything to really show anymore.

he was one reason why i was put like this. one reason where i wanted to be in a place alone. "i'm so sorry peaches" he rubbed his thumb against my cheek.

"im sorry too" i shrug and grabbed his hand. "you didn't do anything, i messed with your head and i can't tell you how much i'm sorry. it's not the same without my peaches," he crack a small smile "you're my peaches" his tone was soft.

i bit the inside of my cheek and instead of replying and just went back for a long hug.

—

i knew it wasn't a good choice but right now it felt right.

i laid my head on richie's chest and put a arm over his chest and our legs were tangled. he ran his hand through my hair and occasionally would kiss my head.

we weren't watching anything nor listening to anything just laid there in silence.

i lifted my self up with my elbow and looked at him. he turned his head towards me and smiled. "you okay?"

i nod and keep looking at him, "you look really pretty" he said. i smiled "i look like i was punched in the face hundred times but thank you."

i sat up fully on the bed, and he followed my actions. "you aren't dating bill right?" he rose a brow.

i shook my head no and lowered my brows. "oh.." he nodded slowly with a small smile forming on his lips. "why?"

he turned and shrugged "it just seemed like you guys were" he pursed his lips. "oh no he's with beverly i think" i lay back down facing the ceiling. he laid right next to me and sighed.

i didn't think i would be here right now with richie tozier..but i was and i really wasn't hating it. i still have yet to talk to him about greta and i think i'll push it to the side until i feel likes it needed.

i moved over a bit getting closer to him. "do you ever think deep?" he asked me. i lowered my brows "what do you mean by that?"

"like...like i don't know about death, marriage. stuff like that" i felt him shrug. "yea" i sighed "sometimes i do"

"i think about it a lot. i think it's unhealthy" he laughs. i shake my head with a small smile. "what do you think about most?"

he stayed silent for a bit. i thought i went too far with the question until he spoke up.

"love" he simply said and with only one word i knew what he meant. "why love?" i turned to face him, he was still looking up with an arm under his head.

"just," he sighed "i don't think i'll ever really find it" i cock my head a bit. "like my reputation around here isn't what i like but i have to keep up with it" he shrugged.

"you don't have to, you just assume that you have too because you think if you don't no one will like you" i roll my eyes.

he stayed silent this time. he didn't reply or say anything. his actions said more, he sat up and got off the bed. i sat up slowly watching him walk around the bed. he grabbed my hand and pulled me off the bed.

"i want to kiss you" he said. i looked at him weirdly followed with a small giggle. "you want to what?"

"i want to kiss you" he smiled. i looked up at him and rose my eyes in amusement.

"alright kiss me then" i said putting my hands on his face. i pulled him down so we were leveled. he leaned in only to close the small gap between us.

his arms wrapped my lower body and he deepened the kiss even more. it wasn't like our other kisses, i felt something, something i haven't felt in ages.

and i also knew,

fuck i don't want to admit it. if i do that means beverly is right. and i hate saying she is.

eh these are my thoughts she can't hear me.

i knew that i was in love with richie tozier.