When You Were Never Mine

Possibilities

For what?

Just as your fingers left the screen of your phone, you wondered if it was the right thing to respond to Bucky's message. Maybe he didn't want to enter a conversation, but couldn't help but still be a man of manners, and you didn't give yourself a moment to consider it before acting. The familiar, gentle snores from Tony had already begun next to you, so you felt as if the opportunity had presented itself all too well; it wasn't that you were hiding it from him, because you had no reason to, but you still felt more comfort in knowing that he wasn't watching.

For being nice to me.

"Ugh, my heart," you whispered to yourself, the image of his sad face torturing your mind.

You're sure that you won't come here? Most of us are actually nice, no matter what you may have heard. Even Sam, that guy you kicked off the helicarrier? Let him kick your ass just once and you'll be friends for life. Even if you pretend to let him win.

I'm sorry, (Y/N), I can't.

Ever?

My head's such a mess, I really can't think past one day at a time right now.

You found yourself nodding along with him in agreement, even though he couldn't see you or get any support from it. You had no way to know what he had to be feeling, and maybe he didn't understand it either, so the best you could do was wait for him to make the first move.

I understand, Buck. The offer will stand until you're ready.

And then for several minutes, there was nothing more. It had taken so long now that you gently set your phone back onto the table and rested your head on your pillow as you waited. You wouldn't text him again, as to not push, but you hated the feeling of not knowing if he was okay or not when he wouldn't let you connect to see it for yourself. Maybe something happened, or he may have forgotten to charge his phone, or maybe his mind flipped and you'll never hear from Bucky again. Your own mind was now the torturous one, racing until you finally heard the buzz of vibration again and hurried to grab the phone to read it.

Is Stark okay? The last time that your eyes showed him to me, he looked scared.

He's doing okay. The best he can. It's amazing how understanding he's been about this.

Okay, good to know. I don't want to cause you any more trouble. I can tell that he cares a lot about you, (Y/N), even from here.

Now it was your turn to pause, and to let him wait, as you turned back to look at the man sleeping at your side. He did care about you, and he never hid it from you, even during some of your more heated arguments, or when you had to spend weeks apart for missions that you didn't share. You couldn't imagine that many men would be so kind about their significant others having a soulmate who wasn't them, but Tony Stark was one of the most confident men you had ever known, so that could be why he was taking it in stride. That, or he had a secret life as an actor and was a master at hiding how he really felt.

It almost sounds like you know him. That's not possible though...right?"

Little did you know, something that should have been a simple question would take nearly two years to get an answer, as the phone fell silent for the last time in a very long time.

~~~

It was never really a comfortable time for you, having to get all dressed up for one of Tony's fancy, ass-kissing-the-other-rich-people type of parties, but he had promised you that only an appearance of maybe an hour was required, then it would be a long overdue date night for the two of you. He was about to leave on a trip for a little company business and a stop at MIT to impress them with his annual donation, and he wanted some time alone before he had to go. Team missions didn't allow for you to go with him this time, with you being on Steve's chosen group for his continued hunt for Rumlow, which was about to take you to Nigeria in the morning. It felt remarkably conceited to look at your reflection in the tower's windows right now, covered in clothes that were ridiculously expensive, and a sparkle from jewelry that you could never afford, right before travelling to a country that could use the money so much more than this boring show of fortune.