Random Writings from My Journal

Excerpt III: Untitled

I've always found comfort in the funniest things,

My favorite thing was the girl I met in sixth grade

And the smile she would bring.

showed up in my life like a bee.

Quick and afraid.

She wore her hair in a never ending braid

Her eyes was a deep shade of brown

She wore bright colors, was loud, And careless.

Like i've said before i had to grow up too early.

I experience adult feelings when i wasn't ready.

This girl who was true to me and understood me for who I was

Not the mask I put on every morning,

I had fallen hopelessly in love with her..

I didn't understand why.

I was confused.

Girls couldn't date girls, right?

We were technically still kids.

I was just more mature.

I felt like a freak of nature.

I've watched movies and saw how gay kids were treated.

It was seventh grade before I acted on my feelings.

I was 4 months off of the blade

And I felt... Okay.

I saw her other best friend,

Who hated me,

Was dating another girl and no one treated her different.

I hinted towards my feelings

She hinted back that she liked another girl.

There was an overwhelming happy feeling in my chest.

My head hurt I was so happy.

Butterflies fluttered around in my stomach

Flapping their wings violently.

"The girl I like is Madison."

Suddenly the sun didn't shine so bright.

My life turned into a rainy night.

The butterflies disappeared and

My chest felt empty

.I needed to cry

I needed to disappear for awhile.

But, I swallowed the lump in my throat and

Moved on with our conversation.

I avoided her at all costs after that.

We never talked again because

Of the voice in my head saying

I'm stupid and she didn't like me.

What breaks my heart even more is that she never

Asked why I started to avoid her.

She moved on without me

Without hesitation.