Pizza & Wings

5 Together & Pissed

By the time I arrived at her apartment I was moved beyond fear and into a realm, I promised myself I would never go into again. I sat in my car for a good 5 minutes trying to reach a state of calm that would help us both. I played the message over again for perhaps the 15th time. It was a threat. It wasn't even a veiled one. I was angry, hurt, defensive and put out. The tone of her voice put my teeth on edge. I hate that tone. Absolutely hate it. I grumbled to myself and wiped away my tears, checked my eyes in the mirror, yup bloodshot as hell, and got out of the car. The night was cool. The temperature change cleared my sinuses. I knocked on her door. No answer. I knocked again still no answer. I knocked a little louder because my anger had returned and still she didn't answer. I took my keys out and thought better of it. What if she wasn't alone? I'd seen that shit once before. I didn't ever want to see it again. I went and looked in the windows. Just a small light. I went back to the door and knocked a little louder. I didn't want to make any more of a scene than I was already making but I was about to beat that damn door down. I resorted to ringing the doorbell and tried to wipe my annoyance off my face and fear out of my heart.

I had managed to cry myself to sleep on the couch. I was stirred awake by some kind of knocking. I sat up, confused, and very upset. The events of the day came flooding back to me and my anger flared. All of a sudden my doorbell rang. I assumed I knew who was on the other side. Part of me wanted to let him sit out there, the other part of me needed some answers. The curious part won out. I slowly made my way to the door. I caught a look at myself in the small mirror on the wall. My face was swollen and red and my hair was everywhere. I ran my fingers through it and rubbed my eyes. I took a deep breath and opened the door. The sight that greeted me shattered what was left of my heart. His eyes were bloodshot, his clothes were wrinkled, his hair was pulled back in a mess with a pink hair tie, and he smelled like a bar. He looked hungover. Were they guilty tears? He looked guilty as hell. I wasn't sure if I was ready for this. I stepped to the side and allowed him to enter. "Well?"

It took her forever to open that door. Once she did I understood why. Her eyes were just as red as my own and puffy like she had been crying all day. I wanted to be mad. Why the hell was she crying? Inside I was still mad, she threatened me, where was our trust at? But something in me snapped at the sight of her sad and swollen face and the sinking feeling that all of that had something to do with me. I felt my anger slip and worry and guilt take its place. Then anger won again. If she had just waited 5 minutes more maybe 10 I would have made it to her. She stepped aside. Instead of saying hello or I'm sorry or even asking why, she just stepped aside and said, "Well" I hadn't even passed the threshold. My anger rekindled. I hesitated and looked down at her and her angry little face with an expression that I am pretty sure matched hers. Not twenty seconds before all I wanted to do was be on the other side of that door begging for forgiveness and wrapped in her loving arms. I didn't see any love in her expression.

I watched the guilt leave his face and turn to white-hot anger. What did he have to be angry about? I was the one who was ignored and left at the airport and he was standing here hungover with a pink hair tie in his hair. His black one was around his wrist. My anger flared to meet his. I met his eyes. "Who is she?" The question left my lips before I could even think about it.

If I thought I was angry before, that single question was enough to send me over the edge. My expression turned hard in the second it took me to process that single phrase. I knew I should have left, just turned around and walked the fuck away. There was no she, no other she. There was only her, there would only ever be her. I'd heard that question before. I never thought I'd hear it from her lips. Who the fuck did she think I was? I glared hard at her as I stepped into her apartment and calmly closed the door. "Who the fuck is who?" It wasn't even a logical thing to say. I barely got it past my lips without me snarling at her. The entryway to her apartment wasn't too small, but it suddenly felt much smaller than any space I had ever stood in. Yet I stood there, fighting back angry tears and screaming inside. "Why would you even fucking think to ask me that?" I snarled. I was in her face before I knew I had moved. Any closer and I would have been standing on her toes.