Remember Us

Chapter 3

A tragic yet not sad death. A young girl who simply wanted to be happy. She wanted to feel relief and be free from the world. the world doesn't seem to see it that way though. the world seems to see it as a selfish act of taking ones own life for attention. What the world doesn't understand, if it was an act for attention, wouldn't she want to remain alive to receive the attention? What's selfish about it? The only selfish thing about any of it is that she treated everyone so kindly and in return was hurt and pushed around. She wanted to be happy, when everyone was too busy kicking her while she was down. There's nothing selfish about taking your own life if you feel there is nothing left worth living it for. It's selfish that society accepts when others treat someone so coldly that they would consider suicide. Taking the easy way out is her way of being happy, she knows no one can hurt her anymore. She feels as though the world was finally lifted from her shoulders. She knew no one would miss her even if she was to die. She spent her life living alone and feeling worthless.

Society believes that when someone takes their own life because of hatred from others around them, that it is suddenly perfectly fine for them same people to show up at their funeral or grave in tears and saying how much they miss them. Its so amazing how the people who caused the death are the same ones to shed tears and say how wonderful of a person they were. Maybe that simple compliment or caring action or thought towards that person could have been enough to save their life. People don't realise that. After all, no one ever really cares unless you are beautiful, rich, famous, or sick laying on your deathbed. No one notices or cares until it's already too late.

Late nights I think, that seems to be there case with everyone else. Would people 'care' or cry if they found out I were dead? Would anyone notice I was even gone? I have always wondered that. For me, it wouldn't be hard to end it. I have no one to say goodbye to, I have no one at all. Nothing is holding me back from doing it. Nothing but myself.  I hold myself back from doing it in hope of someone someday giving me a reason not to go. I am aware it is a fantasy hope, but it feels as if someone or something will come along and help. I don't know where it comes from, but I continued to hold onto that tiniest bit of hope I have. That was at least until he came back. My hope shot up and I had faith once again.

He crushed it once we talked. He's moved on. He forgot. So now, that hope is gone for good. There's nothing left that is keeping me held back from doing what I so desperately want. He thinks that by running after me as I make my way to the last place I shall ever be seen, will help. How he's wrong.

That is until the previously dark skies started to rain down on them gray earth. After a few minutes passed my vision is blurred from the raindrops upon my eyelids and I begin running out of breath. "Lexis!" His pale, slighlt muscular arms wrapped around me from behind. "Let me go!" "Lexis please you know this isn't as bad as you think"

"It's not as bad as I think? You can't just come walking back into my life after years and tell me that things aren't as bad as I seem to think they are! You don't know what I deal with every god damned day, Mikey!"  By this point I gave up struggling to get away from him. I was crying, letting my salty tears mix in with the bitterness of the rain.

"You said that when we first met too." "I can't keep living like this. When I seen you again yesterday, I thought things were going to start getting better again. You moved on with life, now its my turn." "Alexis please. I'm sorry" "No you're not! If you was sorry you wouldn't be doing this! You will never understand what I deal with Mikey. The constant battle! with myself. The voices in my head that tell me I'm not good enough. The fact that my only escape is a silver piece of metal that I call my friend. The fear of waking up there next morning after I go to sleep that night. The way people look at me, as if I'm a freak. I can't take this any longer!"