Remember Us

Chapter 1

Warning || sad, possibly triggering at some points.

Read as you please, votes and comments are always welcome btw (:

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Everyone has that one thing that they love more than anything, that one thought that always crosses their mind, that one wish they can't wait to have come true. Mine isn't exactly similar to what a normal persons would be though. Mine is something that is powerful enough that it controls me. It controls what I think, how I act, and what I want out of life. Nothing can have that big of an impact on someone though, right? Wrong.

The thoughts are constantly killing me. Piece by piece, slightly more each day. No one knows though. No one cares enough to want to know. Maybe if someone had cared, I wouldn't be here at this moment. I wouldn't be sitting with my feet dangling thirty stories off the cement. I wouldn't be contemplating on jumping, and not going home to go to bed. I wouldn't have to make the choice between escaping and never coming back, and walking home to be exactly where I am tomorrow that I am now.

I never imagined, even for a second of my life, that I would be like this. It went from being full of life and always laughing and having a hell of a good time, to loosing everything slowly, to having nothing, to being treated poorly, to the constant thoughts of not waking up ever again.

Oh how nice it would be, how perfect it would be to be free. I don't mean free as in dead, although that does seem splendid, I mean free as in happy, wanted, living to live, and not feeling dead all the time.

They always use to tell me to wait until high school. Just to wait. When I would ask why they would tell me the same things. The cute boys, the parties, trips with all your friends, all of that. High school isn't what it is made out to be. It's not the perfect fun place they say it is. You spend your entire four years there being pushed around, laughed at, not having any friends, and being depressed. All school does is make me feel stupid when I can't do something right or as well as the other kids, it stresses me out. They wonder why I have anxiety. They say high school is where everything will fall into place. It's where everything fell out of place. At least in middle school I had friends that would make me feel happy and socially accepted.

'You'll meet a boy who treats you right and loves you for who you are. You will fall in love, get married and be happy together.' No boy will ever love a girl who hates every aspect and every detail about her. No boy will love a girl with scars and isn't a size zero in pants. Because that's what society expects out of us. They all expect us to be a size zero with a perfect everything. They teach us that suicide and self harm is wrong, when they're the ones who cause it. Society is hypocritical. Let's be honest here darling, the only way anyone will ever truly care for you will be if you're dying, or if you fit societies idea of 'Perfect'. Bull shit. They want us to be fake, they teach us that by being super thin and pretty is the way you need to be. As they wonder why so many of us decide to take the was way out of it. It's only when someone actually does, that society starts to care. 'Oh she was so beautiful and we miss her so much' where was all of that when they were still breathing? That one small compliment could have been enough to save their life, but no one cares to say anything until it's too late.

And now I sit here, on the top of one of the tallest buildings in town with my feet over the edge. Watching all the happy people below. I'm not sure what it is, something inside me wishes I could be like them, happy, full of life, loved by another. People like that are what causes me to loose hope in myself. I'll never be happy, like them. They see people such as myself as a disgrace to society. They don't realize that I'm the way I am because of society. Which is why I don't get along with many people anymore. Many of them are full of life and prep. Then there's little me in the corner by myself. The girl who wears hoodies and full length jeans in the summertime. The girl who never smiles. The weird girl that no one takes into account that she exists at all. She's just, there. Breathing while feeling dead at the same time. That's who I am.