The Girl

Chapter Fifty Three

  The note was the last bit of motivation I needed. Although it catches me completely by surprise, I'm relieved to read it.

He knew I was disobeying him. And he still loves me. He still wants me.

I have to get out of here for him. I have to find a way out. I will.

But how could he have known? We were so discreet about it, and how did he know the exact day? He must've been spying on us. Or having someone else spy on us... but why wouldn't he stop us?

I don't have time to think about that right now. I fold the note back up and shove it in my pocket. I kneel back down to rummage through the rubble in attempt to find my backpack.

I toss rock after rock aside, trying to uncover the floor to see if it revealed my backpack. More rocks crumble down and trickle down the pile to replace the ones I throw aside.

It takes everything I have in me not to give into the bloody demon in the back of my mind telling me to give up. I try to drown out the calling in my ears with the thumps of rocks skidding across the floor to no avail.

You don't actually think you have a chance, do you? You can't be that stupid. Look around you. You're sealed in. You're trapped. You don't even have your damn backpack and you think you can survive.

I stop sifting through the stones to cover my ears. The voice grows louder. I bite my lip.

You're wasting your energy. You can't get out. You're ridiculous.

"Shut up... shut up!" I begin in a whisper that slowly drags out into a screech.

You can't do it. You'd never be able to. You're too weak...

"Shut up!" I scream again through gritted teeth. The voice just grows stronger and stronger, as if using my anger to fuel itself like a parasite feeds off its host.

You're setting yourself up to fail. And you don't even know the worst of it. You don't want to face it.

I dig my nails into the skin around my ears, my hands forming cages around them.

You're going to die in the middle of a fight with Newt.

I explode in a mixture of sobs and screams, clawing at my ears to find something, anything, to mute the voices. I cry until my eyes are dry, scream until my throat is raw, and find myself enveloped in hysteria that doesn't end until my vision goes dark.