Rachael

Rachael 23

At

Ch.23.

Ashton's p.o.v

"Rachael! I swear to god if you're not out here in two minutes, I'm going to drag you out the door!" I yelled from the front door of Rachs' apartment. The last time I saw her out of her room was almost an hour ago but we didn't really have a conversation, and she just left quickly after a few minutes. It was weird. I don't know, girls are weird.

"Alright!" She yelled back. Luke came up around the corner with Calum. Michael and Calum decided to meet up here so we could keep track of each other.

"Wait," Luke said, suddenly walking away, he has something on his mind and it seems to be bugging him. "Obviously", my head tells me.

"Hullo," Ray said while walking up to me.

"Hey," I said smiling slightly.

"You okay?"

"Yea, I'm good," I gave her a small smile and she gave me one in return. Her smile was so beautiful, she had braces when she was in 3rd grade through 7th grade and she was always miserable through those years. Sometimes people would say mean comments about them and sometimes people would say they wished they had braces. She still looked pretty with them.

I was only a grade ahead of her so I always saw her during the time we would switch classes. I knew where her locker was and I would wait there for her sometimes. She would walk me to class or I would walk her to class. Sometimes she'd walk me to class and I'd end up walking her back to her class too. One time on valentines day I was waiting for her at her locker but she never came so I just walked to my locker to get my books and surprisingly, Rachael was there wait for me. We both stood at each others lockers wanting to surprise each other with valentines. I wanted to kiss her that day... But, I didn't want to ruin our friendship if she didn't like me back. And I would've stolen her first kiss, I couldn't do that if she didn't like me. But we were like best friends, she knew my friends and I knew hers. We shared secrets with each other too. My old friend Cory ended up liking her at some point but only cause he said she was pretty. I almost punched him in the face when he said he was gonna hook up with her. We were in 7th grade for crying out loud! And she was in 6th grade! I didn't punch him, I just pushed him down some stairs, nothing major.. He only got a sprained ankle.

"Where's Luke?" Michael came around the corner from Rachs' kitchen and leaned again the wall of the hallway. He was probably raiding her fridge or something before he walked in.

+*+*+*RACHAELS P.O.V+*+*+*

"Oh, he's in my room or something," I said to Michael, shrugging my shoulders. I bet he was eating my food.. I heard one of my drawers from my room make a loud noise, it either was opened too quickly or dropped. I ran over to my room and went to the bathroom where Luke was; he was standing there, holding all of my blades he could find.

"Wh-what are you d-doing?" I couldn't help but stutter. I was nervous, no doubt about that but I was scared that he would be mad at me that I don't use them for sharpening pencils; especially since there's no other part of the sharpener attached.

"I'm helping you, Rach," He said in sturdy yet soft voice. He walked over to my toilet and before he dropped all 5 blades into it, he wrapped them in toilet paper. "You can't be doing this to yourself, not before, not now, not ever." He then dropped them in and flushed 'em down. Right when they dropped, I did too. I never knew how much those pieces of metal meant to my body. I needed them, I needed the adrenaline rush they gave me; the rush made me feel alive and I loved it. I still remember this one time when I cut and it made my head spin, I felt like I was drugs, I couldn't hear anything and I couldn't feel anything but the numbness in my body. I liked it. People would be scared and think something is wrong but I was okay with it happening, I would pay for it to happen one more time.

"I need those, Luke! You don't get it!" I was putting my weight on the door fram, crying. I felt the numbness again, I felt the butterflies in my stomach turn to bees in seconds.

"You don't need those, YOU don't get it," My brother was as calm as he tried to be but on the inside he was hurt too, he was hurt at how much I needed them.

"No, no,no,no.." I kept repeating that word, I couldn't say anything else. I was shaking my head, hoping this wasn't happening.

"Look at yourself, Ray," Luke said, still sturdy but not soft,

"They aren't people, they are pieces of metal. That shouldn't control your life."

"You don't control my life either!"I yelled this with angered laced in my voice, my brain was going crazy with things to say to him but I knew I couldn't and wouldn't mean them later.

"I know that! I'm just trying to.. Help." He looked to the floor, thinking. "I'll leave you alone for awhile... The bus leaves in 5 minutes." He brushed passed me and I heard my bedroom door click closed.

I wonder how everything is going to be between us now, will we just act like this didn't even happen or what? I don't even know. It's not like I can't just buy more sharpeners or use my razor that I shave my legs with. But the fact that he looked for them so he could get rid of them cause of how much he didn't want me to do this made me not want to buy more. It really hurts him, I guess.

It's weird, I couldn't handle the pain people brought to me so I caused my own kind of pain. I keep hurting the people around me without my consent and I hate it; I lie to keep them safe from my secrets but I end up hurting them more when they find out.

"C'mon, Rachael! Lets gooo!" I could feel the impatience in Calum's voice.

"Okay!" I yelled back, my voice crack