Anatomy of a Broken Heart {(Joshler AU)}

4

"...am I wrong if all i need is for you to see why i cry when my friends die while all i do is try to keep them from dying while still flying?"

-Brian Curry

Josh's POV

Of course, this isn't like some fanfiction where you wake up and everything that could go wrong does, in fact, go completely and utterly wrong.

Because Chris didn't come home that night. Or that morning in fact.

or the day after that.

and the day after that one.

not that i'm complaining, but if you were to be abandoned by your only living relative you'd be questioning it too.

Tyler didn't question me. he knew all i would do is shrug it off like it's no big deal. His outburst wasn't discussed the next day. I don't even know if he wants to talk to me about it, quite frankly, i don't wanna talk about it either but i don't talk about anything in general so whats new?

"Josh, do me a favor and pass the salt." Tyler was staring at me with the 'fucking do it or ill swallow your soul' eyes and it was pretty unnerving. I quickly handed him the small salt shaker and watched him pour that shit all over his fucking spaghetti. No, it was takeout from Olive Garden. I can't cook and we have no food here so... 

We also ain't doing that 'lady and the tramp' bullshit either you nasty fucks.

I got up for a moment to turn up the TV i knew i wasn't going to like it but i flicked on the news channel. "SCHOOL PRINCIPAL WAS FIRED FROM JOB FOR HAVING A HOMOSEXUAL AFFAIR WITH ONE OF THE STUDENTS" Tyler turned to the TV after he heard the news. "What if they were just good friends doing each other a favor?" He glanced at me questioningly. I shrugged and did the whole 'idk' hand gesture. "I mean, it's not gay if you call it a bro-job." he said matter-of-factly. and for the first time in what felt like years...

I actually laughed.

I laughed so hard that i couldn't breathe. After a while, tyler was laughing too. his face was red and his voice rang through the house. the spaghetti was forgotten when we both fell off of our fucking chairs for no reason but because we didn't want to stop laughing. This felt amazing. my voice was scratchy so all you could hear was a throaty, airy whisper but it was something great nonetheless. "Josh, you're laughing!" Tyler yelled while trying to keep himself from falling over again. Tears were streaming from my face because that was funny, too. i was fucking laughing because isn't that the best thing ever?

It took me a while to calm down, Tyler was still panting but it was quiet again. "Hey Josh.." Tyler looked nervous all of a sudden. I knitted my eyebrows together in question. "Whats your favorite color?" What kind of question is that? no one has ever cared enough to ask that before. I looked around the room and tried to find the color i liked the most. I pointed at his socks. "red?" he asked as if he actually thought it would be something different. i nodded simply, maybe he'll just leave it alone.

"I like the color of coffee. but like, coffee hot chocolate."

again my face was just '????'

"Whats the word for it..? MOCHA!!"

i nodded again. thats an odd color. i was expecting blue, or green, or purple. SOMETHING LIKE THAT, OK?  You usually dont expect a color like mocha to be discussed let alone favored.

"Don't give me that look, Josh." Tyler said with a roll of his eyes, he went back to playing with a string on his shirt sleeve though. fuck are these mood swings? "i like the color, okay? fight me." i let a mask of confusion spread across my features and, with a frown i leaned back and did the 'what?' hand gesture.

Tyler didn't say anything after that. I began picking at a loose string on my jeans as the silence lengthened. I'm pretty sure he caught me looking up at him a few times.

"Ever fail a class?" The question burst out of his mouth and I wasn't prepared for the sudden noise, I jumped and with a wide-eyed expression, turned to the brunette.

After further processing what he was asking. I shook my head no and went back to picking at my shirt.

"Ever get in a fight?"

I looked up at him again. Why did he want to know? I nodded yes anyways. I have to fight people at least weekly. It's kind of hard to win when the people you're fighting are twice your size and brought extras though.

"Ever drove a car?" I nodded. I stole my uncles car all the time. But Tyler didn't need to know that. I have my permit anyways. But is Chris the type of person to accompany his teenage nephew on an adventure? Extactly. He isnt.

"Ever have a girlfriend?"

Woah. That took me off guard. Is there a 'choose not to answer' option? I've dated, sure. But never... girls. And the people I was with always tried to just get in my pants or ended up cheating. Not that I could blame them though. Who would like me anyways?

I guess I was sitting there unblinking for a while because before I knew it, Tyler was waving his hands in front of my face with an annoyed expression.

"Earth to josh!" He hissed at me.

I shook myself out of my trance. An unreadable expression flew across his face. "Nevermind." He said quickly and got up to walk into my living room, turning quickly on his heels.

I got up and followed him because I'm an idiot only to find him looking at a few empty beer bottles on top of an end table. "You drink?" He asked while looking at the bottles in disgust.

I shook my head no as I walked around him up to my bedroom. Maybe he'll follow, maybe he wont.

"Hey, Josh we should go on a walk." Tyler's voice echoed from downstairs. I internally groaned at the ceiling. Laziness overcoming me I sighed and rolled over.

I wasn't expecting Tyler to be in the doorway of course when I turned. I mean, how did he get up the stairs without a sound? So I ended up falling off of my bed with a loud thud on the floor. "Shit, Josh you ok?" Tyler asked quickly as he scampered over to help me up.

I just rolled my eyes and sat back on my bed making the springs squeak. Not paying that much attention to Tyler, I laid back and thought about nothing in particular except for bees and why they enjoy honey so much. Don't question me.

"Is this you?" Tyler questioned suddenly, forcing my eyes in his direction. He was pointing one thin finger at a framed picture on my desk. It was a picture of my Mom, Dad, Chris, and I. I was around seven with fluffy dark brown hair almost back and my brown eyes looking as light as they ever have. My mom was so young, and she was alive. Chris wasn't an alcoholic and my Dad was still smiling while I was on his shoulders. It was a nice family picture with all of us laughing and smiling in front of this house before it got all old and run down. I nodded at Tyler. Yeah. It was me. I almost said. 'Was' me. I used to be bubbly and excited all the time until Mom and Dad died and Chris started drinking.

Yeah not anymore.

"Are you happy, josh?"

And for the first time in a while. I was stunned. I didn't know what to think. Shake my head no? Say yes and he'll leave me alone?

"No."

//OKAY I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA I HAVE NO COMPUTER SO I'M DOING THIS OFF OF MY PHONE AND DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS??? ANYWAYS. OOF CLIFFHANGER I GUESS PLEASE DON'T HATE ME :D

I LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS SO MUCH BUT I NEED YOU GUYS TO VOTE, READ, COMMENT, AND SHARE OR I'LL BE A SAD LITTLE EMO BEAN. OK?

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STAY ALIVE FRENS!