My Stuffs

m o m' s b i r t h d a y

                             i went to the cemetery today, to visit my mom's grave. 

as i sat there in front of her headstone. i thought about  just everything, f u c k. i miss her all i want is for her to wrap her arms around me and tell everything will be fine. My depression, my eating disorder, sexuality problems, judgmental views, people  that have hurt and wronged me would all blur to a tiny buzz if i just got to see her again. 

the most beautiful and fucking hurtful dreams are about seeing her again.

 she'll be there and i'll find her and we'll meet again but then she'll get dragged away from me and out of sight and the only thing i see is the last time i saw her.

 i will wake up in the night with tears running down my face. that's part of the reason i have sleep Apnea, i am afraid to go to sleep because i don't know if i can stand to have her get dragged away from me again.

i sat on her grave for an hour and cried and twittled with a leaf i found attop her headstone.             i put the leaf in my flannel's pocket, and i took a little flower from the bouquet i put down.

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Sorry, i know my stuff i have been posting lately has been a little personal and maybe  depressing.

i hope you wonderful beauties are eating, feeling good and being safe and staying  true to yourselves. <3

STAY ALIVE

-naomi