24 Weeks Of Knowing Him

9

Am I really bleeding? I tried to stand but it's making it worse.
I need to stand up. I need to get out of here and change my underpants. I was sweaty and another tears warns to fall down. No no no not now. I wiped it quickly and finally stood up, took another underpants and change the one who had blood on it then washed it immediately.

[End of Flashback]

"I played the funny, unbroken,  hard to love and 'normal' girl until now in front of people" I said " it took me a lot of patience to forget about it, I prayed all day all night begging God to forgive me about what I did because it was a part of my fault if it happened. I forgave him after a while but I didn't have contact with him anymore I... I cut the bridge. A major PTSD, I have nightmares about it every single night and sometimes I was sitting in my bed with eyes wide open until the morning to not have the same nightmare if only I find sleep. I was starting to lose weight and be sick because of it." I stopped a little moment then continue again without looking at him because it's easier like that.
"One day when I was with my best friend,  we were talking, doing crazy things as always, acting and singing, having fun you know. We took sit. I was on the other side of the bed and she was on the other side and we looked at each other silently for a long time. It wasn't usual and it never happen when we are together because we're always talking we always find things to talk about. I didn't have nightmare for like 4 months but at this exact moment his face appeared and the scenario flashed on my mind again and I looked at my fingers and crossed my legs then start to talk to her.

"You know I have that thing again" I said

" What thing" she asks "Don't start talking about your ex-crush cuz you know I'm over it. I can't stand that dude!!!"

"No no not that" I told her "you know I know a lot of story similar to mine but the hard thing is when you're tired of hiding it, when you're done keeping it in a box, burry it six feet under your heart but it always find a way to make it on surface". 

She didn't know the whole version of it.

"What are you talking about ?"she said confuse

Then I start telling her about everything. Every single details about it. Crying, I was out of breath and she was crying with me too trying to recomfort me. All the weight that I have on my heart is now soften. I finally tell someone about my bad experience,  what happened to me, what is behind that smile I put on my face every day. I thanked her for listening to me. For always being there for me. For carrying me. I owe her everything. 

I didn't realize that I was crying when I was talking about it to him until I saw the tears on my hand.

"Sorry" I said wiping them

"No it's okay" he said " I'm so sorry to hear all about that Kahleel. I can't believe that it happened to you."

"Don't pity me"

"No I'm not." He immediately say " I'm not. It takes a lot of courage to open up like you just did to me when something like that happened to you."

"Please keep it for yourself" I beg.

"I promise. And things like that is a fragile subject I'm a psychologist... well, not confirmed yet but..." he laughed at that remark and I lil a little smile too "I know what to do" 

"Thank you "

"No need to thank me" he smiles " didn't you think about telling your mom?"

"Knowing my mom she'll kicked me out after the last word of the story is told" I said

He frowns then raise his left eyebrow

"... but I wanted to, one day. Then decide to shut my mouth up" I breath out " and... my dad didn't know about it as well.  I mean how could he ? He was already six feet under."

"Who knows ?" He moves his shoulders up

"Yeah maybe he knows what her favorite daughter did where he is right now" I say ironically.

"Hey don't start blaming yourself it's not time for that" he said.

"Can we change subject right now. I don't feel like talking..." then he cutted me middle sentence again

"That's what we gonna do. We gonna stop talking about that. I don't want a pool in my car." He tried to make me laugh and it works.

"So tell me things about you " I start " because I don't know anything about you
"

"Be patient. Time will come"

"See! It's not fair. You know a lot of things about me and you refuse to share any piece of information about you. " I cross my arms.

"Don't tell me you're sulking because it won't work with me. My daughter do the same thing but always fail"

"YOUR WHAT ??" I asked surprised "did I just hear you mentioning that you have daughter? " I frown utterly confused

He laughs harder and his laugh is contagious that I don't know what happened to me but laugh with him. I don't know if I should because if he really do have kids I won't frequent him anymore. Or maybe yes because I also need a father wait... what am I talking about ?

"I was joking,  you should see your face" he said between his laugh " I was just messing with you. Gosh Kahl' !! Do I really look like having kids at my age?"

"Technically yes" I moved my head up and down " I mean you're 29. You're late" I replied

"Man would never be late when it's  about having kids..." he said booping on my nose

"Stop... already I have a nose flatter than the table and you keep doing that ? Must be nice" I said getting it out of my face.

"I can be 100 years old or more and can have a baby. Woman isn't like man. Woman will be in their menopause at the age of 50 years old, some earlier when man still have their sp...."

"Stop stop stop!!" I put my palm on his mouth to make him close his mouth. " I don't wanna hear another sentence "

He laughs under my palm and the hot air from his breath warms my hand. I looked at it and he looks at me. I was staring at my hand for a moment and we both was quiet. When I realize that we were like that for a moment I immediately took my hand out of him.

"Sorry"

"Why do you always feel the need to say sorry? " he asks

"Habits maybe"

"You need to stop it then"

"Okay... one day"

"You're stubborn" he said

"Oh man we're just getting started" I said laughing.

"I can't wait to know what is in stock" he laughs too.

"You'll be surprised"