24 Weeks Of Knowing Him

6

"He's trying to confuse you" said my conscience

"I know someone who lie when I see one " he said " there's no shame on admitting it you know. I won't judge, everybody have envy and some can't control it"

Enough. Enough. Enough. I don't wanna hear another words about that. It gave all these bad days the power of coming back in surface crawling from where I buried them.

"You can talk to me. It's okay if you made love to him" he said

Now I hate that his hands are on my feet. I hate that we're ending talking about that when things were going well. I hate my past. I hate my wrong decisions.
I was looking down trying to brush those flashbacks off. I'm on the edge of crying but I don't wanna do it in front of him.

"Kahleel?" He calls me putting his hand on my chin to make me look at him. I still closed my eyes but open them slowly " it's obvious that something happened, you can talk to me. Did he raped you?" He gently asks

His question is like a stab straight in the heart. I'm trying to control my emotions and to hide them, my eyes is wide open begging him to not push me telling about what happened.

"What if you talk about it to him ?" My conscience advices me "by the way sharing problem with stranger is easier than with someone you know"
It made me think twice "just give it a try, you'll see it will be great and the weight you have in you will fade slowly"

"Talk to me" he begs. "Did he raped you?"

I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna talk about it to him. I need to talk to someone I was holding it for too long for myself that it's consuming me inside. I can do this.

"Kahleel?" He calls again. I nod "did he?"

I nod again " but it wasn't him. It was another guy that I thought was my friend" I finally said.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asks.

"Yeah..." I let a moment before starting who seems like a decency for him maybe.

I took a big breath then start " uhm, we were friend for almost 2 years and we were pretty close but I felt something for him it wasn't love but maybe just a little crush. His name is Christopher by the way. We see each other from time to time. That day he was asking me where to buy the santa hat because I had one who was really amazing because there's a light on it, my best friend gave it to me the year before and shows me where to find it. I told him where to find one and he asked if I can go with him there. It was the day before Christmas in 2015..."

[Flashback]

Christopher :
Be ready I'm on my way.😀

Me :
I gotta take shower. Why so pressed 😩?

Christopher :
Just wanna see you😅. Conrad is with me. That dude is scared of staying alone at home.

Me :
Great!!! Bring some food I'm starving 😆 and don't you dare making fun of your little brother.

Christopher :
He's 17 Kahl'. Better grow up 😂

Me :
Tsss 😩

"What I gotta wear ?" I need to be comfy and all I don't want skirt or dress. It will be tongs, black jeans and this green top. It's not like we gotta go to the restaurant or something. First thing I need to tell my mom where and with who I was going.