Broken

Chapter 5

      My heart is beating so fast as I look into the brown eyes of the boy I adore and have adored for years. He kissed me. And I kissed him back. I am awakened from my trance when I hear him clear his throat awkwardly and scratch the back of his neck. I laugh slightly and look down, embarrassed because he totally just witnessed me basically drool over him. I look back up hoping he would say something, but he's gone.
      I groaned and flopped on my bed and covering my face with my hands, "Good job Em," I thought "You just completely ruined... whatever that was." I don't know if I have ever been that embarrassed in my life. And now he probably completely regrets it. I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. I sit up and need to find something to take my mind off of well, everything. I then spot my guitar and reluctantly pick it up, and I look at it sighing, "I miss music" I whisper finally admitting it out loud. I used to play all the time but when the boys left I lost my love for it, and I couldn't even look at that guitar with out wanting to destroy it. It just reminded me about how abandoned I felt by them, especially Ashton.
       I look at the strings and place my fingers on them and just start strumming and that strumming  then morphed into the song, Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. I start quietly singing the lyrics getting a little louder as I go on, but not loud enough for anyone to hear, or so I thought.
    " Beautiful." I yelped and jumped as I heard this, but I look up and it's just Ashton.
    "Fuck," I say laughing slightly. "You scared the shit out of me!" I said while chucking a pillows at his face, which he skillfully caught, while scowling at me for swearing. The scowling then turned into a small smile and the awkward silence began for a few minutes, both of us refusing to look at each other.
     "I didn't know... about all of that," he said running his finger through his hair.
     "I know,"
     "I wouldn't have said that if I—"
     "I know." I said cutting him off, I don't want him to feel guilty. How was he supposed to know.
     "I'm sorry" we both say this in unison, I lightly chuckle. "I shouldn't have—" we say it at the same time again at this point I'm just straight up laughing and he is too. We both then silently come to this mutual agreement that we're good by just giving each other a look. I nod and then he walks away. I smile to myself, content with what just happen. I then quickly brush my hair, teeth and wash my face. I then go to my room and change into some black spandex and a oversized sweatshirt and crash into my bed and snuggle into the soft blankets, immediately drifting off to sleep with that brown-eyed-boy on my mind.

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   All I hear are birds chirping and I feel the warmth of the sun hitting my skin. I groan and reach over to check what time it is. It's 9:30 I groan again, knowing that I won't be able to fall back asleep I sleepily roll off my bed onto the floor with a thud. I lay there for a minute or two and decide that i'm being pathetic so I gain some strength and get up. I look into the mirror and quickly throw my dirty blonde hair into a messy bun and jog down the stairs and head straight to the kitchen because your girls hungry.
   As soon as I walk in I see the last person I wanted to see because of last night and also because I look like a zombie, and I feel like one, but besides the point. I freeze in my spot and gulp and look at him for a few seconds, as he stares right back at me. I then get some of my dignity back and I step towards the cabinets looking for some type of protein /granola bar. I have to go on my tippy toes to see what is on the higher shelf and I can just feel him eyeing me, specifically my ass. Really subtle Cal.  I then turned around abruptly after I found what I was looking for. His cheeks turn a shade of pink when he realizes that I caught him red handed, but I notice the cheeky smirk playing on his lips and I chuckle a little bit. We then go straight back to that awkward silence. I sigh because I really want an apple, but he's right by the fridge. I then make up my decision to get the fucking apple so I walk towards him and open the fridge to retrieve my apple and when I shut the door, I then realize how close we are. I look into his eyes and feel like i'm being held captive by them. Then my eyes flutter to his lips and back to his eyes, he then clears his throat and moves away a bit. I look down and laugh a little feeling like I was just rejected. I look back up at him and see the regret in his eyes. I just sigh and walk back to my previous position leaning up against the counter top and I take a bite of my apple, and sigh. I feel like an idiot.
   "What's this sexual tension?" Michael then snaps me out of my thoughts as he strides into the kitchen and takes a banana. He peels it and takes a bite and looks at both of our faces and his mouth hangs open. "Did something happen? Are you guys a thing now?" He asked excitedly. I look at Calum and then back at Michael.
   "No" I said looking straight at Calum, "Nothing happened." I then throw away my apple completely loosing my appetite, and I storm upstairs, and I hear Calum sigh in frustration from there. I run straight into the bathroom. I lean on the door sliding down it. I place my hands on my face and realize that I'm crying. I let the tears continue to fall. I feel like such an idiot. Of course he doesn't like me why would he? He just kissed me because he felt bad for me. A pity
kiss, wow. I never expected that from him. He was always helpful and kind whenever I needed him, but he never pitied me, but I guess some people change.

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Hello Everybody!
I hope everything is going great for you guys! So here is the next chapter. I have break for the next week so I'm gonna try and upload chapters almost everyday this week so I don't leave you hanging lol. Have nice day guys and I'll see you next time!
Love,
Courtney