Behind these blue eyes

Ian's journal

Ian's P.O.V

Why is everything so fucked up? Im sitting in my room in the corner...crying of course. Anthony went to spend the night at Kalel's house. At least now i can cry as loud as i want, not worrying about Anthony hearing me. Lately I've been writing in this journal, i don't know if its helping but i feel a bit better when i have all my "feelings" down on paper. The only thing is i have to keep it well hidden, i don't want Anthony finding out. Ive been like this for weeks, i would just sit on my bed and cry while listening to sad music. I dunno why, but I love sad music, it kinda explains how i feel. I know that sounds all emotional and cheesy but its true. I have about 10-15 ish entries in my book. I get it out and start to write... I write about the things i hate most about myself and all the mistakes I've made and how everything is my fault. Hey, its true.... I wouldn't be like this if i wasn't in love with my best friend. I start to write about how Ive been cutting myself. I know it seems a bit extreme but I'm always miserable so now and then i need a release. And thats what i go to. I cant help it. Oh my god if Anthony finds out i don't know how I'm going to explain it. I start to cry harder. I don't want him worrying about me, it'll make me love him more. And I'm this close to telling him that i do. I don't know how he's going to react.. But eventually..I'm going to do it.

I hear something. Someone coming through the door. Oh god, its Anthony. I wipe my eyes and try to fix myself up a little. I go to the door. Anthony comes out with his eyes red and puffy and his hair is a mess. Omg what happened? Wait why am i saying this to myself. Heh, guess its a habit. "Omg what happened Anthony?"

Anthony's P.O.V

I open the door to see Ian a few meters away from me. He is quiet for a second, observing me i guess. "Omg what happened?" He asks. Wow, what do i say to that... Might as well tell him everything.. No use trying to hide it, he is my best friend after all. Here comes the tears. My cheeks still sting from when i was driving here. I move to the couch.

Ian's P.O.V

Wait why is he here? I thought he was staying over at Kalel's.. Omg did something happen between them? I wonder if he'll tell me. He goes to sit on the couch and i follow. "Well, you know how me and Kalel have been fighting lately? Yeah...well we...we umm.." He starts breaking down. Wow, I've never seen him like this before. Its killing me that i cant do anything to help. "We.. Broke up..." "Its all my fault" he says in between sobs. "Im sorry, it'll be ok" is all i can say. I reach my arms out and hug him. God, it feels great to have him in my arms. Crap, I'm crying now too. Shit, he's looking at me. What am i gonna do?

Anthony's P.O.V

I finally spit out "we...we broke up, its all my fault" i don't feel like saying the whole story. Im so tired.. I hear something. Ian is crying now too. "Why are you crying?" I ask. "I..i just hate seeing you like this, you really loved her right?..." "Yeah..." I answer it feels nice having someone i can talk to and they will never judge me and will always be there for me. "Thanks" i say. "What for?" He replies. "For always being there for me, whenever i am upset, there you are. Thanks for being my best friend"

Ian's P.O.V

Best friend. Best friend. Best friend... Thats all he thinks of me. Now its official. I decide to tell him we should probably get some sleep. He agrees and goes to his bedroom. I sigh and walk over to mine. I open up my journal which i hid in my wardrobe on the bottom shelf. I need to keep it hidden. I open to the page i was at before and continue writing. I put my headphones back in so i would be distracted and not think about Anthony..

Anthony's P.O.V

I toss and turn but i cant get comfortable.. I decide to get up to get some water but then i see something... Ian...writing in a journal? At 1am? Wow, does he do this all the time? I look through his door crack and i see him tear up. But he's silent about it, like he doesn't want me to know from the next room. Poor Ian.. But then.....I see his arms. Oh my gosh, he...he cuts himself? My eyes get foggy and i cant keep them open.. I go back to my room and cry silently into my pillow. Is this all my fault. Did i do something? Is it Melanie... Or is it about that talk we had a couple nights ago.

But then it hit me.