Trapped In Reverse

Trapped in reverse-Scary

(You can skip if you don't care about the characters)

I wake up to the sound of my mother cleaning the house,there is no point but she does it anyway.I have tried to tell her it's pointless to clean old,chipped wood but she doesn't listen.I think cleaning is her way to keep her sanity.It can be relaxing and peaceful but lonely and sad at the same time,cleaning is the last thing to keep her going.

She barley talks these days and I wish I could help.

But I can't because I'm the one who took it all away!

Her love and her reason to live,her happiness and feelings of freedom,I took it all away and didn't give it back.She doesn't deserve this.She doesn't deserve me.

"Is something wrong today? Are you still taking your medicine?"

No I chucked them ages ago and I will never take them again!

"I'm just sleepy,the medicine isn't that strong you know?"

I keep lying,why do I keep lying? Even after that,have I just not learned my lesson? Will everyone around me disappear?

I lie to my mother everyday,why? I hope she will just talk about what happened instead of ignoring it.It kills me more to not know her side of things,I can't read minds.

"Mother,can you please talk to me? Like actually talk,maybe about a small event that may have happened a few months ago..."

She stopped.I know she will hate me after this even though I did nothing wrong so I just stand there waiting for an answer.She hasn't forgotten,I know she hasn't.When she looks at me with her dark,lifeless brown eyes,I can almost feel the suicidal thoughts going through her mind.

"Was it scary for you? Huh? Was it really scary for you?"

I mocked her as I recalled the previous events in my life up until now.
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"Lucia,do you always watch this?"

I sit lay my head on my uncomfortable pillow as we talk.

"Yeah?"

She tilts her head like I was asking her something strange.Was I supposed to know this side of her?

The images flicker on the screen and my mind gets muddled.I try to continue the conversation while the audio leaks out of my small tv.

I play with my hair and look down as I try and find words,I'm so awkward today.

"T....this is...considered normal to watch right? I mean what about my mother and..him?"

She giggled softly in the corner as if I said something funny but then switched back to a normal expression with a slight smile.

"Over these years,you haven't told your mother anything and your dad,well let's not talk about him right now...the case was just closed after all"

"Yeah...."

I drifted off and stopped listening for a moment,she was right,I never told my mum about the things we did,the things I did.Watching something like this is normal,Lucia never really cared about that.

"This is strange,I mean what's the point of this?...This video I mean"

I laid awkwardly as silence filled the air,we both couldn't speak while the video started playing a new scene.I could tell that my face was flushed slightly even without a mirror.I knew what this was even without her telling me.

"Passion....Desire....sexual lust....erotic stimulation...I don't know,I'm just reading off the dictionary"

She shrugs her shoulders and I can tell she doesn't really care.Laying down in my bed thinking I also don't care and that we are thinking the same thing.

But I do

It affects me and I feel different when I'm the only one feeling that way.This is normal.She said it was normal.

"Am I supposed to feel heated? Like a 'hot' feeling...Or is it just this room?"

She looks over and then turns away.I can tell she just wants to watch this in peace but I can't stay still.

"Arousal is common in girls and boys going through puberty,we all get this way,I don't know why the world thinks that girls don't feel the same way as boys...it's strange"

"As always,you just speak your mind...You always sound like a dictionary or a compufer"

"a compufer?"

I'm slipping up! All because of this wired feeling,I need to focus.not on the video! There is no reason to feel so strange,is the room just extremely muggy or something?

"I guess it's less like arousal and more like an irresistible urge to touch your face"

I did not just say that..No I didn't just say that....I did

"Then why don't you? You have already licked it before" Lucia grinned,I could tell she was just going along with the flow.

I reach out to her face and bring her closer.We have always been close but it hasn't gotten this far before.Even if we do lay on each other's bed and hug,there is usually nothing there,no feelings.

I graze my hand along her mouth as she pulls herself closer until she's almost on top of me.The video heightens the mood that our conversation made,a mixture of awkwardness and lustful stimulation.I pull her closer and our faces are just a few inches short of touching.I know what happens next,I have fantasised about it before.

I hoped I was doing a good job but when I pulled back,I received a terrible reply.

"Why do you always aim for the top of my mouth? You really suck at this"

Normally people would be turned off by this or angry but this just pushes me further.Knowing she isn't going to have a perfect kiss is satisfying to my slightly sadistic side.I cling to her and kissed again,we never waste any time with getting into it.

A sweet and interesting experience that would always scar me was not what I originally thought.Back Then,I thought she was cute and I wanted to kiss,that's it.However the next few moments made this day my biggest regret for all eternity.I slid off my top and we continued as the heat rises in our bodies.I was sweating slightly and so was she.It was amazing but then-

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

I turned back and saw my mother,those words left her mouth as she looked at the tv and then at us.She started shaking and pointing at the tv again.

"This...THIS IS WHAT YOU WATCH?! AND YOU....YOU...with each other....?"

Her voice started breaking as she held back her tears and shock and tried to continue with a expression of anger but I know my mother couldn't do that.

"No..."

A silent answer was ignored as my mum stood by the door.I was still really excited and tried to calm down but Lucia was not moving,or breathing,she looked dead as she ran out my room and back to her house in the late night darkness.

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I could only recall the pleasure and sensation we shared in that moment as my mum never spoke to me again from that day on,claiming she had "short-term memory loss and forgot everything.I lost both my parents that day,now they are nothing but aliens who like to see me suffer.