Trapped In Reverse

Trapped in reverse-Am i?

I pour the remaining dusty,white powder into the middle hole and press the green button.I'm washing  a pizza right now,I need help to wash it before my mother comes back.

But no-one visits me anymore,that's fine,I can handle it.Reaching out,I grab the empty box and tip the rest of the white specs onto the ground.It looks like snow,doesn't it? Like baking flour or sugar.

I turn my head to look at the spinning machine as the pizza flops all over the metal rings.It's a good job that I didn't want pizza today.Mother has gone out again,I'm used to it.I don't know where she goes but it's somewhere far and she only comes back In the morning."Why can I still hear her voice?" I question to myself,"her clothes are still here,same with her makeup".

Lyma hasn't come to me in a month,I guess she has forgot that we had something special.Oh well.Lyma is my sister,my not-sister as well,it's complicated,we're adopted,all of us.

Apperantly I have functional amnesia.They said it's rare to happen to children or underage teens.

It's a amnesia that makes you forget everything that happened before you went to sleep and you have to fill in the gaps yourself with family members,photo's,a diary or just random motes to read when you wake up.

It only affects your memories of yourself or what you did,not who you are so I always remember my name and appearance.The thick lady,her name I can't remember but she is a doctor,she told me about my functional amnesia and wired heart attacks but it was blunt.Her words were like a knife,cut into me quickly and as painless as possible.Even though her heart is like stone and she doesn't possess any emotion,I can tell she still cares more about me then my mother.

I have a calendar,it has strange yellow flowers on certain nights every night except Sunday.on Sunday,it isn't left blank but the flower printed there isn't yellow,it's red.A red..what? It looks like a flower that I have never seen before.Maybe my mother knows more about this?

Talking of her,where is she? Where is mum? I know she left the house tonight but where did she go? It's not like her to leave me alone.

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I Skip along the tired concrete,a large,flat piece of concrete.The sun is out and it's sunny,I love the heat it emits out every morning.I shouldn't really be awake at this time but I'm bored.Staying In that white room really makes a child bored after a while of staring at the blank walls that I painted upon like a empty canvas.My canvas.

I wave a stick around,hoping I can spot somebody out on the empty road.No-one is here?

I Have 29 CDs,it's like a bad omen to watch all 29 CDs at once so I won't watch every single CD today.I will watch five,give five away,how many CDs do I have left? I have no clue,I can't do maths.

"Multiple-personaliy disorder or schizophrenia...These are the only choices we have to diagnose you for? I think there is something bigger going on here and simple MPD won't cut it,I definitely think we should make you retake the test again."

I input another CD into the CD player and press start,the voice pours out in fuzzy little breaths and mumbles.

"Did you retake the test? The percentage still doesn't add up with any of the other tests,it's highly unlikely that you have only one problem within you,can you please speak to me and tell me the problems again?

Let's take another test"

The screen cuts like always,I enter another CD,I wrote on this one apperantly.It says "CD 15" but I haven't seen that many yet,I should be on CD 3 right?

"negative...negative....negative...I just dont get it! You have taken the test 37 times and still have a extremely low percentage of having schizophrenia or MPD....how? It's clear that there is something wrong but what is it? We can't say for sure but I think you should take another test,this one scares me"

I pull back the CD and put it in its case,replacing with CD 29,wouldn't the answer be more clear faster that way? It's like skipping the test and reading the answer sheet then going back to the test to fill in the gaps.

".......80.....No 81.....No need for help.....percentage is too high.....cant.....save friends.....dangerous"

Well that didn't help.I could only understand a few words this time,the disk must be cracked.

I open the door from my friends bedroom and run out into the rain,it's dark and my mother will be leaving me for the first time.