Mistake (B.S.)

F O U R

When I came home, Adam was already asleep. Anything to avoid me, I'm sure. It made me question whether he would care if I slept with Bill.

Perhaps he knew Bill didn't look at me that way—perhaps he knew I'd never have a chance with him; maybe that's why he didn't mind if we were alone together.

Or... maybe he just didn't care.

It was puzzling as to why Adam had planned a "surprise" birthday party for me. He made it appear as if he actually cared for me—that he loved me like I was the only girl in his life. But I knew now that I wasn't. I suppose he was trying to keep up appearances—make it seem like he cared for me in front of our "mutual" friends.

I didn't care much for our "friends," they were Adam's friends. The only friend of his that mattered to me was Bill, and that was because he was the only one that seemed to reciprocate our friendship outside of Adam. He was the only one from Adam's large circle that I truly considered my own friend.

I knew this to be true. While all of Adam's friends partied downstairs, I was standing outside on the balcony—Bill leaning on the banister next to me.

I had snuck away—it was easy to do, really... no one cared where I had gone. Even though the party was supposed to be mine, Adam the host. But after Adam had slipped away to finish some "business," I made my way upstairs.

I was going to sneak a cigarette, finish my drink and listen to music before calling it a night.

But someone had noticed my absence—Bill noticed that I was gone. Before I finished half of my cigarette, Bill had followed me upstairs, opening the sliding glass door.

"Does Adam know you smoke?" Bill's voice had startled me, causing me to flick the remainder of my cigarette off the balcony. "He doesn't, does he?" Bill smiled wide.

I clutched my chest, looking at Bill displeased. "No. What gave it away?" I snickered; but only to alleviate the pounding in my chest.

"Maybe the way you tossed it over the ledge there." He giggled softly before placing a cigarette between his own lips. He lit the end; smoke billowed around his face. "I don't blame you for not telling him. He lectures me every time I smoke around him."

"I don't do it regularly, just when I drink or..." I couldn't say it. To admit that I smoked every time I felt anxious would declare myself a full time smoker. "When Adam goes away on business." I spoke flatly.

"Nerves?"

I turned, facing him completely. "Something like that."

"I'm sorry." Bill rested his forearms on the steel railing, leaning over the balcony as he stared out over the horizon of mountains and trees.

It puzzled me—what could he possibly be sorry for? Perhaps he was only apologizing on Adam's behalf, but... that wasn't his place.

"Sorry?" I questioned.

"You know... for Adam. I mean, he threw this party for you and didn't even stay for it."

"You know what he's doing right now? You know he's with her... right?" I admitted, suddenly regretting my split second decision to throw my cigarette over the ledge.

Bill didn't have to say a word, his face said it all—his silence somehow spoke volumes. "Don't let it ruin your birthday. You only get one of these a year, so... don't let it ruin your night."

"How can I do that?... How am I supposed to do that?"

"Leave him." Bill spoke low, turning his head to look my way. His eyes were so serious; his expression cold. God, if I didn't know any better I'd say he was mad at me.