Mistake (B.S.)

T E N

"Are you gonna talk to me?"

That was the question Bill had asked me before I climbed into the car to flee the scene. It was a silent, awkward walk back to the diner; either of us too afraid to speak. I could never forget the way he looked at me across the hood of my car—those large pale eyes weighed down by sadness and grief. I should've known then what I had to do, but I didn't.

I was hurt—betrayed in the most incredible way I'd ever been before. Cheating was one thing, but actually creating a consequence was another. I was so shocked by the revelation that I reacted strictly on emotion. To think that Adam had been living with that secret for a month—to think that he went to sleep at night knowing what he had done to me; to her.

I had already thrown my car door open the moment Bill spoke. "I've got nothing to say."

"So that's it then? You're just... gonna go back to him and forget about what happened?"

Why was this happening to me? I was the good girl—the better person that lived life (somewhat) morally. I put other people before me; I cared about what other people felt—thought. Now, I was having to pay for what I had done—the one thing I had done "wrong" since grade school, when I had forgotten to do my homework and erased a fellow student's name to put my own and claimed his work. And even then, I admitted what I had done the following day, after the teacher had graded the papers and asked him why his work had not been turned in. I was a shit, but I faced the consequences. This one thing I had done wrong in my adult life—sleeping with Bill. I was paying for it in more ways than one.

I was in jeopardy of losing the one friend I'd made in years, all because one night, I couldn't keep my hormones in line. I had went about it the wrong way—I was still with Adam when it happened; still dealing with his cheating antics. The one time I royally fucked up...

I hated myself for the way I went about it; the timing wasn't right. If anything came of Bill and I, it would be like jumping from one man to the other. Adam had already moved on; I shouldn't feel guilty about that part. I just wasn't ready to rush into it—I had learned my lesson when it came to rushing into a relationship with Adam.

"What do you want?" I slammed the driver door closed, making my way around the vehicle to confront him. "What do you want from me? I already told you, Adam and I are through, I'm only living with him temporarily, until I can save enough to-"

"Now who's the liar?" Bill spoke as a statement, taking a step toward me. My eyes went wide, surprised he had the audacity to cut me off like that.

"Excuse me?"

"You said that if I told you, you'd let me help you. You lied." Bill shrugged; his hand in his pants pocket, his black collared shirt moving as he did. It should've been the furthest thought from my mind, but I couldn't help but to realize just how amazingly fucking beautiful he was in that moment.

"Is that what you want? You wanna help me- so you won't feel so guilty about what we did?"

"I don't feel guilty about it." Bill was closing in on me; taking long strides to close the gap between us. "You can say it was a mistake, but you wanted to do it just as bad as I did, you can't deny that." Bill smirked—he fucking smirked.

"Where is this coming from?" I asked, peering up at him through my lashes. I tried to speak with spite, but I ended up sounding like a small child.

"I want you to look me in the face and tell me it didn't mean anything, that's what I want. If you can do that... I'll walk away."

Only... I didn't want him to walk away. I wanted to rush home to confront Adam, but at the same time, I wanted to stay there forever with Bill until we reached an agreement—until I ended up back in a bed with him, listening to the sound of his soft snores against my bare back.

What the hell is wrong with me?

"You know I can't tell you that... you know it'd be a lie." I mumbled. "It was a mistake, but... it's not like it didn't mean anything to me... you know that... and you're using it against me."

"It's not like I'm asking you to do what you did for Adam. It's not like I'm asking you to move in with me or start any kind of relationship other than what we already have. I just want you away from him, he's not good for you."

"Why?... why do you care so much-"

"Because I love you." Bill's head snapped away, he trailed his thumb across his lips, gazing out into the nearly vacant lot. It was as if the moment those words came out of his mouth, he instantly regretted it. "Maybe the timing is wrong, maybe I shouldn't feel this way about you, but... I can't help it. I care about you. I'm not sure if it's reciprocated, or if... or if you feel the same way. To be honest, I don't really care. But as a friend, I'm telling you... Adam isn't good for you. He isn't good for anyone. I know, I saw how he was with Lindsay. He pulls her in then pushes her away-"

"I think we're done here." I started to move around the car, only to have Bill's hand come down on the hood. His forearm was a barrier, blocking me from proceeding in the direction my feet were trying to carry me. I stopped, looking up into his large eyes.

"If you get in your car... you'll never hear from me again." My eyes scanned his face, looking for any signs of falsehood, only to see sheer determination. I wanted to touch his face—I wanted to place my hand on his cheek and press my lips to his to make that worried line above his nose disappear.

...But I didn't.

"I can handle just being your friend- I can handle you not feeling the same way about me, but... I can't deal with you being with Adam, knowing everything he's done. I won't be apart of it."

"I guess this is goodbye then, huh?" I wish I'd had a grip on my stubborn mouth. I wasn't sure what I was so afraid of, perhaps I was worried of Bill doing exactly what Adam had done. I was scared—I couldn't handle Bill growing bored of me, ruining what little we had. But saying what I had, I'm pretty sure I'd already ruined it.

"So that's it then? You're just gonna... go back to him?"

"You haven't listened to a word I've said, we're not together anymore. I just gotta figure it out on my own."

"Goodbye, Charlie." Bill muttered, pushing off on the hood of my car as he started toward his own. I wanted to go after him; I wanted to explain how sorry I was for not accepting his help, but I couldn't. I'd already done enough—I'd already hurt him too much.

In a single night, I'd learned my boyfriend was about to father someone else's child; I lost my only friend because I was too stubborn to accept his help. But what hurt more than anything, was that I had been too afraid to admit that I felt the same way.

I was in love with Bill.