Free

7. Pain

Sadie

What can I say? It's just another boring day. Nothing ever seems to change. I sit with my usual friends at lunch and we discuss evening plans. The shallow minded, boring conversation ends, however, when Claire brings up her mom. She's not doing so well.

"She seems really nice though. She always listens, I just don't get it." Anna says. She has a habit of being inconsiderate and short of oblivious to other people's feelings so I tap her foot underneath the table. "You don't live with her, of course, you don't get it." Claire sighs. "She's losing her memory. When you tell her something she just forgets." 

"I'm sorry, Claire." I say sincerely.

I can't imagine that. What not only Claire is going through but her mom as well. I can't help but feel utterly selfish, worrying about my own problems when people like Claire clearly have it much worse. We all got our issues of course and to say mine are insignificant is unfair, but I always try to take into consideration that we are all fighting the same battle. Some people just don't have the right weapons to fight.

Things aren't easy for any us. My family doesn't give me space, at all, Claire has a mother with Alzheimer's, Anna's parents don't even care, and Paige's little sister passed away years ago.

It's hard for everyone, the entire teenage population. We are raised to obeyed by strict rules and there's no way around it. In order to comply with these extreme laws, our parents are forced to pressure us and breathe down our necks but it's the only way they know how. It's how it's always been. Their parents did the same to them and their grandparents and so on.

The world is a mess.

Everyone is just too scared to stand up for what they believe in. We all have too much too loose. Anna doesn't, however. That's why she doesn't care anymore. She's one of the few that constantly try to go against the system, but for others, it never ends well.

~

I hate dressing conservatively all the time. It gets so annoying. I just want to wear what I want to wear and express myself the way I want to. Not only that, the clothes we are forced to wear are downright uncomfortable. A thick wool skirt and an ill-fitting collared cotton shirt. Plus having to always iron everything gets so tedious. It's like they are trying to diminish all creativity in the world entirely. That's another reason why the dance studio is my favorite place.

As soon as I enter through those two glass doors, I step into a different world. One where I can truly be myself, express myself the way I want, and say and wear whatever I want. Julia, my dance teacher, she doesn't care how high my skirt may be or how much mascara I am wearing. She doesn't follow the rules.

Throughout all of the years we've been working together, we've gotten to know each other so well. We've both revealed so much to each other. Like how she lost the love of her life because he was taken away from her. They were forbidden to see each other but she didn't listen. 

Humanity always finds a way, and she did. Unfortunately, they didn't make it and that was that. She knows what it's like to be young and full of hope considering she was not that long ago. Society has a tendency to suck all the life out of everyone but not her. She's still got that glow in her eyes and I really look up to her.

We spent almost two hours working and refining my routine for the competition coming up. I was so stressed about everything going on so it was nice to let go and pour my heart out onto the dancefloor. It's the only place where I feel truly free.

"Hey, you!" Julia yells out into the hallway. She pauses my melodic song and I stop dancing for a second to see who she is talking to.

My chest rises up and down from all the movement I was just doing and I feel a bead of sweat start to run down my forehead. It's dark out in the hallway but a tall, muscular figure with a mop comes into the light. He looks very familiar and I realize it's Eli.

Suddenly a giant ball of stress forms in my stomach. "Wanna come in and watch?" She asks him. "Since you walk by the room every two minutes."

He seems nervous too, he probably didn't expect Julia to ask him something like that and I feel like he's trying to be cautious with his actions, not to seem too eager. I hadn't even noticed him walking by at all. Then again I'm always extremely focused when I'm dancing.

I give Julia a concerned look, but she just smiles and ushers him into the giant room. He sits down in the corner and leans against the back wall. I feel extremely strange knowing that all of his attention is on me, and my body. I've never felt this way before but my dance clothes are awfully revealing and I'm just not used to it. I feel self-conscious.

I get on with my routine even though I am a little bit on edge but I ease up when I notice he pulls his sketchbook and takes his attention off of me.

After class, I approached Julia to ask her why she did that. 

"I notice things Sadie," she says. "I'm not blind." 

I couldn't really understand what she meant by that but I decided to let it slide and not read too much into it. "He's really cute if you ask me." She nudges me as I am gathering my things into my dance bag. I could now see what she was insinuating but the reality is, she knows about the rules, and my family. Eli and I are just two ships passing in the night.

"Wait but you know that--" I start but she cuts me off.

"Don't worry about," she winks. "I won't tell anyone."

Hey, to anyone reading this; I know the story is starting off a little slow but it's going to get really good! I want to build up the background and everything really well and make sure the story runs smoothly! Thank you for reading.

<3