The Flowers That Grow Inside Us And The Butterflies That Bloom Within Ourselves

Why Am I Not Good Enough?

Is there something wrong with me?

Maybe a lose cap or wire?

Since I came out of the womb I've been made to believe that no matter what I do

I'll never be good enough

Each & every-time I try to bring up my self worth somehow life manages to keep pushing me down into a black hole

As much pain I've gone through in my life

How many times do I have to keep being reminded on why I'm not good enough?

I couldn't even be a good enough daughter for my biological parents who gave me up for adoption after trying to harm me & picked drugs over me

I wasn't even good enough for my foster mother who constantly reminded me on why I'd never be worthy of her love

Growing up into adulthood having to have the one person who I was there for through thick & thin betray my trust beyond repair

Getting into relationships where it just seemed like even when I tried my best & tried to be enough I was never enough for them

Working to get money to pay my bills just so I can be reminded on how poor I am & how it is never enough of me

All I try to do is help those in need & try to be some sort of light for them

I don't do drugs

I try to help people as much as can

And I try to do good in this world

But still somehow life manages still to make me feel like I'm not enough

How many times does life have to remind me when I try to focus on the positive's that I'm never enough?

How many times do I have to fall & get hurt in order to be enough?

How much pain can a human as small as me take till she can't take no more?

The world has convinced me that I'm not enough no matter how hard I try or what I do

And sadly little by little am I starting to accept that maybe I will never be enough

I fight with trying to find my self worth

I fight with my anxiety & depression everyday

But somehow everything manages to make me feel unworthy of being anything but enough

This world is cruel

It has always made me feel inadequate

It has always managed to put me through so much hurt & pain

Still I am here barely living but mainly trying to survive in this cold relentless world.