Watching You Two From The Closet

Don't Panic

"And so the story goes that bees in iceland were taken down in a war between them and the birds, the birds gaining help from the creatures below."

We finished the presentation and Patrick and i returned to our seats,  watching as the next group went up and analyzed Some Nights by Fun. Most of the kids ended up just choosing songs because they were easier to find than poems.

Later on after school Patrick and i went to his house again to study for the French test that was coming up.

As we sat talking back and forth in the language using phrases from our study guide, i considered how easy it may be to just say tu as de beaux yeux and see if he realizes its not on the list. And if he does, i could play it off.  Somehow.

In the midst of trying to think and speak different things, it did slip out,  but not in the way i intended.  Instead i got mixed up and said tes yeux sont beaux? as i was supposed to ask if the flower was beautiful. I quickly tried to stutter out the correct phrase but he replied with "i dont know, are they?" Before i could get it out.

He looked at me expectedly- abd confused- as i answered.

"Oui?"

"Was that a question?" He laughed as i took a breath, trying to change the conversation but once again, failing to do so before he spoke again.

"So you think my eyes are beautiful?"

I nodded silently, not wanting to speak because it would reveal the internal panic attack i was having. He smiled again,  which melted me inside every second we sat in silence. And every second felt longer than the last as i waited to hear his voice break the silence.

"I always figured you were gay." He says finally,  and my heart felt like it stopped.

"W-hat?" I stuttered.

"I don't know, i just thought an attractive guy like you would have a girlfriend at some point in high school. It makes a lot more sense knowing you're just stuck in the closet."

I let out the breath i had been holding as i shrunk down in the chair i was sitting in. "Please dont tell anyone-"

"Why not?" He said. "Literally all of your friends are lgbt. There is no one to judge you."

"But Bo-"

"What about him?" He scoffed.

"The reason I'm still closeted is because i was always afraid he would figure out i liked you and he'd stop being friends with me."

Patrick paused as he was about to speak again. "Pete, he hates me. He wont give a crap who i date now."

"He wont want to talk to me if im dating you, then. Hes the only person that stuck with me through middle and high school. I cant lose that friendship. I-I'm going home."

I quickly shoved my books into my backpack and walked out of his room, not wanting to continue the conversation and let him see me cry.