"Friendship is the comfort of knowing that even when you feel alone, you aren't." -Unknown
Dear Diary,
soon I'll be finally returning to Hogwarts, but before I can talk about that I feel obligated to tell you what happened after I talked with Miranda and Jason. I believe that if you were capable of having emotions you'd be happy to know I have resolved things with them.
-Flashback-
After I heard Miranda and Jason knocking on my door I quickly closed my diary, enchanted it so no one could read it, hid it in its enchanted box under my bed and went to open the door for the two, even though I really didn't want to. But it was the logical and mature thing to do, talk with them.
As soon as I opened the door Miranda attacked me with a big, unwanted hug. It was unexpected, although it shouldn't be. I stood still, waiting for her to release me.
"Blue! You're not mad at us right? If so, we are sorry! We didn't mean to push you like that! We were just teasing you! You know we love you!" surprisingly enough, Miranda's sentences were short and on point, instead of one of her usual ongoing blubbers.
I was stuck at that one sentence. You know we love you. Even if I was willing to let myself believe that without overthinking the matter, even if I knew for sure that Miranda was speaking what she believed to be the truth, even if I looked past the 'why's, what guarantees me that Miranda did not confuse the feeling of love with the feeling of like?
How could anyone love someone in knowing one another for so little time? Especially someone as hard to like as me. I wanted to believe they love me, just like I wanted to believe I love them, but there will always be that part of my mind that overanalyzes everything.
"C'mon Mira! You know she doesn't like hugs, let go." Jason told Miranda, causing her to let go of me. I nodded in gratitude as I closed the door of my room when both were inside.
Miranda grabbed my hand and forced me over to the bed with Jason joining us. We all sat on my blue-sheet, king sized bed in a small circle while I stayed silent.
"Are you okay Es? That was quite the scene back there." Jason asked me.
I turned to look at him in the eyes as I then did the same with Miranda and lastly I avoided all eye contact. "Of course I am. Idiocy such as yours and Draco's does not phase me." I answered him.
Miranda raised a brow at me in disbelief. "It does not phase you? Your whole face turned red! And I'm not talking about blushing, I'm talking about pale skin becoming red." she told me. "Now your hair changing into pink, that's normal for you, but your whole face changing into red? Not so much."
"I have to admit that I lost control for a small fraction of time, but I regained it quickly so there's nothing to concern you." I said emotionlessly.
"Lost control? Esme, you shouldn't 'control' your emotions. Emotions make us human. It's okay to-"
"No, intelligence makes us human. Surpassing our animalistic impulses makes us human. An animal can feel pain when you hurt it, it can feel joy when you pet it, it can feel safe and loved when you take care of it, but it cannot use its senses to create useful and powerful potions, or even invent all those things Muggles have invented." I cut Jason mid-sentence.
"And yes, I do have to control my emotions. I'm a metamorphmagus, Jason. Or have you forgotten? Neither of you have any idea how it is to be in constant control. I want to feel angry whenever my family pisses me off with either ignoring me or reminding me of everything I have to live up to. I want to feel sad about Chase abandoning us all the time. I want to feel scared about the future and the unknown. I want to let myself discover what is going on with Draco without my brain shutting everything out. But even if feelings weren't absolutely useless and pointless, which they are, my stupid metamorphmagus abilities make everyone look at me whenever I change appearance, which increases my anxiety and that is not good for my health." I let on more than I wanted to as I glared at the two of them. My fists had tightened and my hair was a combination of different colours. I could read Miranda and Jason's face expressions. They were mostly filled with worry, but I could see it, somewhere in there, there was pity. I didn't need anyone's pity. I am just fine. I have everything under control now. So they needn't feel that way.
YOU ARE READING
Dear Diary... I feel (A Draco Malfoy fanfiction)
Fanfiction"You are a thief Draco Malfoy. You know that?" "A thief? I didn't steal your bloody diary!" "No you didn't, but you're still a thief and a very good one." "Really? How so?" "Because... no matter how many walls I build, no matter how hard I try to ig...
