To Hell and Back for You

Chapter 23: Impossible

The kiss caught me entirely off guard and I didn't know how to react other than to pull away, my mind instantly assuming Devin would be hurt that I didn't reciprocate. However, as I looked at him, he smiled, eyes soft, expression pleased.

Tilting my head to the side to study him, I slowly realized how truly understanding he was. He wasn't bothered because he knew it was all sudden and not due to me not caring for him. 

We had yet to speak in any detail about intimacy, past relationships, our relationship, or even any wants from life in general. Pretty much since we had met, we had been fixated on this demon ordeal. That same guilt with which my heart had fluttered after realizing the way I looked at Devin returned. 

"What's this?" my gaze fell to the modest silver band in my lover's palm as I walked toward where he sat on the filthy mattress we shared.

"It's a promise," he grinned, using his free hand to reach up and pull me down.

Falling, I rolled off to the side and lay on the cot. He quickly leaned over me, smiling before gripping my shoulders and making me sit up. With a balled fist, he waited for me to offer my hand. Not without hesitation, I finally did, letting him drop the ring into my palm.

I couldn't find the strength to join in his happiness, "I thought you were supposed to be getting food."

"This is more important," his tone began to shift, fighting to remain jovial, "I love you. I wanted you to know that."

My lips curled into a weak grin.

"Marry me," he inched closer, bright eyes peering into my fatigued ones.

"Tyler, I..." my voice trailed off because I was thinking of the state we'd been living in.

I had remained without employment and even though he had recently found work, our home and livelihoods were yet to improve. I held very little hope that they ever would. Nonetheless, his thoughts behind my reaction immediately flew to a different reasoning.

"I-it's ok," he sighed, gaze dropping as he pulled away from me, "I know I'm not really anything worth-"

My mind instantly caught up with how I was coming off when his voice cracked. Lunging at him to grasp his arms, I locked my lips with his and gave him the most passionate kiss I ever had.

"Don't be stupid," I snickered, "You're perfect; you're everything. I'm just... I feel like we're never going to get anywhere. We're always scrounging, barely getting by. I worry."

He tilted his head, finally looking at me albeit through moisture welling in his vision. His mouth quivered, but he didn't talk until mine mirrored the movement, readying to add something more positive to those statements.

"Do you worry about me? about being with me?" he wondered.

"Never," my sincere smile revived his earlier excitement.

Devin's expression made it abundant that he was curious what I had been thinking about. I knew I should tell him and I would, just not right now. Before he could question me, I threw myself back on him, pushing our lips tightly together.

Tyler hadn't been my first male kiss, but he had been the only person I ever felt that deeper, lasting spark with. If I was to even consider having a new partner, I needed to know that this feeling was possible again. As I closed my eyes and the two of us sucked and tugged on each other's lips, I realized that Devin did not simply stir those emotions; he inspired their permanence.

My hands slipped down his sides to rest on the top of his hips. His own grasped at my waist, then tracked gently upwards beneath my shirt, tickling my skin. His body leaned into mine, causing my form to recline.