TSPH: Critique Shop

@WeshiMi

Author: WeshiMi
Title: The Last Heiress Of The Xenian Mafia
Genre: Action (PG)
Parts: 9 parts (on-going)
Critic: annachan268

First thing first, I'm really really irritated because you are starting to edit your story our consent. Thank you.

Warning: Harsh po akong magsalita.

Note: The harsh words I said here is for your own good. Please don't mad at me. And please, walang personalan. Maski kasi ako ay natamaan sa sariling opinyon. 😂😂😂

Ps. I'm really sorry if my tenses are incorrect. I suck at it. Hehehe. Atsaka, I'm a bit redundant so please bare with me. 😜. At ang conyo ko rin dito, so expect tag-lish sentences there.

Cover and Title

Your cover is very okay. I like it very much. Though, gusto ko lang malam kung bakit neon pink. Hehehe. Nice choice naman kasi nag-blend naman siya. Thumbs up for your cover. 👍

Regarding naman sa title, bakit magkadikit ang 'Mafia' sa Dreamers-chuchu. I know you need it for your story, but it ruined your title. It looks messy, for me atleast. Maybe there's no room for that hashtag, so I suggest that instead of putting the whole title, why not do it in a short cut? It can be like this, "TLHOTXM". And one more thing, don't you think your title is a bit of cliché? I mean, it really sounds too familiar na pwedeng ika-turn off ng mga readers. I suggest that change it into more alluring than your title now. It's just a suggestion, though. It is your story after all, so do what you want to do with it.

Description

Too many mistakes. First, your spacing is incorrect. You should add space between "year" and "but". Second, your grammar is incorrect. You should remove the "in" between but and her. Third, incomplete sentence. You should add "there's" or "there is" between "but" and "a". And lastly, incorrect punctuation. Always remember that ellipsis only consist of three dots (...). Another suggestion, pwede mong gamitin ang pinakaunang part ng story mo as your description. I think it suits better as a description rather than an introduction. But then again, it's only a suggestion. So, you can use either way. And, one more thing. If you already finished your story, maybe you can change your description into something more interesting and alluring description. You know, to attract more readers.

Prologue

Your mistakes are still the same. Though, you have a lot of typos there. Like the spelling of your prologue. You spelt it as prolouge, which is wrong. Anyway, I saw many typos there so please edit that too. I believe, you focused more on your plot than your typographical errors. You edited your story without our consent, which is very annoying too, really really annoying.

Anyway, you have a lot of punctuation errors that you need to fix. Such as "No, I wont let you!" It's pretty obvious that you already know what's wrong with that sentence. Always remember to put apostrophe in a shortcut word like "won't", "don't", and many more. The said shortcut words are "will not" and "do not", by the way.

Actually, marami pa talagang iba pero nagrereklamo ang lola kong loka-loka nang binasa niya ito, masyado daw mahaba. Hahaha. Kaya 'yan, pinutol ko at nagbigay na lang ng isa sa mga mali mo sa topic na binanggit ko. So, I suggest na magbasa ng site tungkol sa mga punctuation mark. You can even visit the site na ilalagay ko para mas malaman mo ang dapat na usage ng mga puntuation marks.