Feelings and friendship

Chapter nine

The room was dark. There was a single light pointed at me making it hard to see past it. It smelled like there hadn't been a single whiff of fresh air in this place for ages. That must mean there aren't any windows. Is this a basement? Is it in his apartment? I tried hard to let my eyes focus as I looked around while he came up to me with the needle. "I need to do this so I can enjoy you. I know you won't let me hold you anymore now that you've seen your pictures in my room. You must think I'm crazy, everyone does... well except for one person. That's the only person I love besides you." I don't even want to know who this other psychopath might be. He stood in front of me with the needle and said "sleep tight babygirl, when you're up we can get some food together. You'll need your strength after we're done making love." What the fuck is happening? I'm sure he doesn't see it that way but HOW did my former best friend and possible love of my life turn into a psycho obsessed freak?

I can't die yet, I said to myself. I have to come up with something. Just when he was about to inject me with the horse tranquilizer, I quickly said "I love you, please don't. You don't need all of this" looking at my strapped hands and feet. He held up the needle two inches from my arm and I saw the doubt in his face. "Why won't you believe me when I say I love you, I already gave you my body willingly. You don't need the tranquilizer nor do you need these leather straps". I made sure I put up my most sincere look ever. Thank God for the drama lessons I took in college. Even though I'm scared, I have to appeal to his loving side if I don't want him to hurt me. This dude has gotten crazier over time. Who knew love and heartbreak could make someone literally go insane. Or was he insane all along?

He became frustrated by the battle between his mind and whats left of his heart and started pacing back and forth. In the meantime I looked around and tried to identify where I was. I focused on the walls and saw pictures of myself plastered on it. The word "mine" written all over it. What did I get myself into? For a second I cringed but recollected myself. "Please, my body is aching." I said while I gestured at my wrists. "If you just untie my arms, I still wont be able to go anywhere." I saw the doubt on his face. I looked around for a window just in case he decided to untie my ankles as well. When he turned around, I looked at him and forced out a single tear which rolled down the side of my face. He rushed over to wipe away the tear. "I'm sorry baby, please don't cry" he said while he held my face in his two hands like it was his most precious possession. This man is nuts. He untied my wrists and rubbed on them trying to alleviate the pain. "I'm sorry, I don't know why... I just cant handle you leaving me again. If I couldn't watch you for all these years, I don't know what I would've done. Now that I've had you, know how you could look at me lovingly, I can't let that go. I've been waiting for this" he said and he kissed me. I made sure I kissed him back with the same passion as before and not the disgust and fear I felt in my body. Where his lips used to taste like a bite of toblerone, his lips tasted salty and full of anger.  "Can I take a shower? I was about to when we were finished." Not just because he made me sick and feel filthy as shit but because that would provide me the oppportunity to be able to look around the room and/or get a moment to myself to contemplate what's the best strategy out of this.

"Tell me you love me again". I hesitated. "Tell me you love me again!" he screamed. I flinched. He grabbed my face and said "I'm sorry I startled you. Tell me you love me please because you not loving me means I did all of this for nothing" his voice cracked.  "I love you" I whispered. He visibly relished in the small sentence like it was a sniff of cocaine and proceeded to untie my ankles. I looked around for a door as I sat up and smiled at him so he wouldn't notice. He smiled back and leaned in for a kiss. I couldn't handle that again and went for a hug. While he hugged me he smelled the crook of my neck, I held back the shiver and in the meantime spotted the door. He grabbed me by the arm and guided me towards a separate space behind a curtain. I eyed the distance to the door. 13 steps. Behind the curtains there was a bath tub on one side, a mattress on the other side and a chair next to it. He sat me on the chair "don't move, I dont want to use this", showed me the gun he was carrying, gave me a peck on the lips and made water run in the bathtub.

I eyed the door again, it'll take me 21 steps from the chair to the door. I can't make that right now, he's watching my every move. He stood me up, led me towards the bathtub and guided me in. Fuck, I thought I would get a moment alone. He grabbed a sponge and put some shower gel on it. I can't deal with him touching me, please don't let him touch me. He gently washed me from top to bottom and washed my hair. When he was done he grabbed a towel and slowly dried me off. It was hard for me to stand there and let him. He was trying to be gentle and apologetic. After he was done with that, I had to sit down so he could brush my hair. He did it  with the utmost tenderness. But his eyes, his eyes had a different tone and shade. That person that I met yesterday, that I thought I could fall in love with, didn't exist.

Naked, he told me to stand up. "I've been wanting to add this to my collection." He grabbed a camera and positioned me just the way he wanted. On the matress, rearranged my hair, sat me down on the chair, standing up, bent me over. I felt like a whore. I can't believe this is happening. He made sure he took a picture of us together "I'm going to print this one, frame it and put it next to my, I mean, our bed". He pointed to the mattress and led me to it. He kissed my neck down to my breats, I felt arroused yet disgusted all at once. He slowly and gently touched my skin from my hips up meeting his lips at my nipples. I wanted to vomit and moan at the same damn time but I knew that if I rejected him in any way, I would make things worse. "I love you, I love you so much." he whispered while carresed every inch of my skin. He knelt down and kissed my lips down there. I felt arroused and violated. When he was done, he started to undress and I knew what was going to happen. I don't know how much longer I could take this.

21 steps. 21 naked steps. He unbuckled his pants. Is this it? I thought to myself. He turned around. This is my chance. I ran for the door. Step two, I cant believe he isn't running after me. Step five, "Wait!" he pleaded desperatly. Shit he's on to me. Step ten, I can feel the freedom... "I don't want to shoot you". There's no stopping me now. "Come back, now!" he yelled. Step 16, I heard him rumble through a drawer. Step 21, fuck... cant believe I'm gonna make it. When I reached the door, I pulled on the doorknob. It's not opening. I panicked. I saw five locks on it and tried unlocking them but it wasn't working. I kept pulling on the door and busted out in tears. Panicking I yelled for help. I felt a cold sting on the back of my neck and my body dropped to the floor. Half-dazed I saw him standing over me. "I knew you would try to leave me... Never again". I saw the disappointment and anger on his face before I blacked out. The last thought I could remember I had was "Fuck, I'm screwed".